When the topic of self-care is mentioned, one of the first phrases uttered is "Treat yo self" (it's like a knee-jerk reaction at this point). As important as this is, it is not one of the most important forms of self-care. When speaking of self-care, it's important to address the uglier sides of it, which often times is when you need self-care most, when it's three in the morning and everyone you've ever loved has abandoned you with your self-destructive thoughts, or when you reach out in sheer desperation for someone, anyone, but no one is there to take your hand and assure you of your worth and of the fact that you'll see this through. Let's not forget those moments when it's just you and your demons at three in the afternoon, and all you can do is curl in on yourself and wish it was all over. When these destructive moments happen, self-care loses the cute pink glitter we adorn it with and becomes and act of self-survival, of self-perseverance. In those moments, it is completely okay if all you can do is let yourself cry and fall apart. We need to fall apart so we can see what needs to go, and what needs to stay so we can come out a little bit stronger. It is completely okay that if on some days, all you did is breathe. That itself is one of the greatest triumphs you can achieve since it means you made it through another day, as much as you didn't want to.

To me, sometimes it's the little things you do for yourself that add up. Those extra few minutes in the shower, the few extra hours of staying in bed on a lazy Saturday after a long, stressful week. It becomes more of soothing those inner hurts in ways that will lead you to uncover what caused the pain to begin with. This "treat yo self" mentality can at times be a good thing, but often times that not, it can become an unhealthy band-aid that stifles the wound when it needs air to breath. As part of being whole, healthy individuals, we're required to reach in and pull out the core of problem so it can stop infecting the other areas of our lives. For me, this has been pausing to consider why I've moved ten times in the past two years. Out of those ten moves, only one was out of my hometown and across the country. I was running from the fact that I didn't want to deal with my crippling mental illness and the damage it was causing, I didn't want to deal with the stunted self-worth I had as a result. It was only when I womaned up and stared it in the face did I find the courage to look into bipolar disorder and replace the unhealthy coping mechanisms I had and replaced them with healthier ones.

As much fun as it can be to "treat yo self," don't forget that what self-care really boils down to. It boils down to making sure you are your healthiest, happiest self. Sometimes that does mean treating yourself to your favorite ice cream shop down the street after a successful day at work, but it also means you made sure you ate that day and treated yourself as gently as you could while wrangling with those inner critiques who know exactly how to undermine all that you've done and what you've achieved. Remember that you are worth every ounce of happiness that comes your way and that you are not the hardships or problems you find yourself facing. Remember that magic in this world does exist, and there's still goodness standing right next to it. Remember to hold yourself up high, because you got this, even when you feel like you never will.