Spending time in London has taught me some things - don’t stand on the left side of the escalator and taking care of yourself should always be your number one priority. Being at Wake Forest, an environment where you’re stressed Monday through Fridays and spend weekends stressing to attempt to make the next week less stressful only to fail and restart the vicious cycle of stress, I forgot how to not be stressed. I spent a good amount of study abroad time stressing about not being stressed. Was something wrong? Was I not doing enough?

The lack of stress stressed the fuck out of me. I forgot that I could have a days of laying in bed watching every episode of Rupaul's drag race, and not have to worry about an assignment, extracurriculars or navigating a dirty frat basement. I forgot that I could pick up a book that was not a reading for a class and enjoy the book without having to stress about it. I forgot how revolutionary taking care of yourself could be, especially for people struggling with mental illness.

Two months into 2018, I have allowed myself to take several days off to cope with my mental illness and allow myself to heal. I allow myself to lay in bed and not talk to a soul if that's what I need at the moment. I cut myself some slack for not always appearing to be or trying to be put together. I agree, laying in bed watching Brooklyn 99 is not the mainstream, bath bomb idea of self care but yet is self care nonetheless. I've taken the time to find out what my own personalized, unique form of self care looks like and how I can achieve it.

While indulging in my newly found self care routine, I came across a book called “The conjectures of a guilty bystander” by Thomas Merton, who says

“The frenzy of the activist neutralizes his (or her) work… It destroys the fruitfulness of his (or her)…work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”

In his book Merton describes the lack of self care as a form of violence whose perpetrator is modern society. He talks about the different forms of violence that can be inflicted on us, that we don't think about, the lack of the ability to self care being one of them ( existing on different scales in different peoples lives).

As the month of pisces aka February aka my month begins, I hope to keep the self love and self care going!!!

Also the conjectures of a guilty bystander pizza must read!!!!

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