People-pleasing: We all do it at some point in our lives. Some of us more than others. Why do we people-please? Is there some underlying reason, or is it just natural? Is it for acceptance, or is it just easier that way? It is the intense need to please and care for others deeply. To deal with the anxiety, we do all that we can to get things right and make others happy. Here are signs you're a people pleaser.
1. You put others' needs before your own
2. You allow others to take advantage of you and your kindness
3. You avoid conflict
4. You always take care of others
5. You feel guilty when you take care of yourself
6. You find it hard to say no
7. You do things out of obligation
8. You stay in unsatisfying relationships or situations
9. You are indecisive
10. You minimize your own feelings and needs
11. You worry about the future and have a hard time with uncertainty
12. You compromise your values if it means people will like you
I don't know about you, but as I was reading over that list, it hit me hard. I could check off at least one time in my life that I have done each of those. I have come to the realization that I am a people-pleaser.
I constantly am putting other people before myself. I'm not saying that's always a bad thing, but when it interferes with my physical and mental health, it becomes a bad thing. I go to insane lengths to make sure that the people around me are happy before I even begin to think about myself.
I constantly stay in unsatisfying situations as long as the people around are happy because in my mind that is what matters. I do things out of obligation all the time; I feel obligated to make people happy and sometimes that means my unhappiness.
I cannot even begin to tell you how much I avoid conflict. When I say I avoid conflict, I mean I really avoid conflict. I hate it, I shut down and can't even get words out. When I am in a conflict, I feel that I am letting that other person down, and then begins the self-hate in my mind. I constantly minimize my own feelings and needs as long as it means that the other person is happy and OK.
When the people around me aren't happy, I get anxiety, I have a constant need to please others. I'm coming to the realization that this isn't any way to live, and my constant unhappiness is only going to tear and wear me down more and more. I have to learn to put my health first sometimes and learn to say no. I have no obligation to anyone but myself and my health. I shouldn't be bending over backward for someone who wouldn't do the same for me.
