You hate conflict. You want everyone around you to be happy. You don't want people to be mad at you. If you identify at all with any of these things, you are a people-pleaser like me.
My entire life has been a constant cycle of me feeling like I have to please every single person around me. If someone is hurting? Try to comfort them. If someone is broken? Try to fix them. If someone needs a favor? Do it without question. There is so much love in your heart for people, and that is not in any way a bad thing. But, it is important to understand that you can't please everyone. Sometimes it is important to stand up for yourself, even when it may cause conflict with another person. I know that a lot of times I will let people walk all over me. I am so afraid of hurting others or having them hate me that I just give in to whatever they say. But that is not what we need to do.
We need to collectively make it our goal as people-pleasers to stand up for ourselves. It is emotionally draining to please all people all of the time. We have to make ourselves address conflict when necessary, speak up when we need to, and refuse to give in to something that will make us unhappy.
At the end of the day, after we have made everyone else happy, where is our own happiness? In our lives, we are told all of the time to be kind and selfless. I completely agree with that. But there is a time and a place where you do need to take your own happiness into consideration. You have to take care of yourself so that you can effectively pour into others. Let yourself rest and don't be afraid to state your opinion when necessary.
I am saying all of this to you with a sense of understanding. If you identify with this article at all, you are like me. You feel people's burdens as well as strive to do everything you can to not have anyone mad at you. My best advice to you would be to keep your head up and be confident in your opinion, no matter what the outcome is. Remind yourself that you are ALLOWED to have that opinion and it is just as important as the person you are challenging. Also, keep in mind that it is okay if someone gets upset with you. That is going to happen in life and you just have to accept it. You can always apologize and be kind, but don't back down on something that you feel strongly about.
All of this comes from someone who still struggles with this today. I have let people walk all over me for a long time and I have grown tired of it. But it is a process. Your natural instinct is to give in and please the other party. Just keep going. Gradually change your ways. I promise you that you will feel better and more control of yourself if you do. You will also gain more happiness in the process. You deserve that as much as anyone else does. I am not perfect and changing this will not happen overnight, but press on. You have such a kind heart for people. You love them and care very much for their well being. Just don't forget to turn that care onto yourself from time to time.
Best of luck, people-pleaser. I know you have the heart in you to do it!
