So often, clothing ads and air-brushed celebrities are critiqued for giving young girls and women an unreachable goal of beauty. But I've grown to realize that the even-more-lethal factor that causes girls to drastically cut their calories and obsess over ever inch of their bodies is much closer to home.
"Oh my God, I look so fat today." "Ew, my legs look awful in these shorts." "I basically have to starve myself until that pool party, because there's no way I'm going looking like this." I have heard endless variations of comments like these from close friends since I was about 14 years old, and each time I do, I suddenly hate something about my own body. If she thinks she's fat, I must really be fat. That's a good idea, I shouldn't be eating much until I have to be in a bikini either – I don't want to look bad next to her. And this cycle continues, where the habits and opinions of friends shape how I behave and feel towards my own body.
I have never been the most confident in the way I look, always thinking that I need to lose weight. Sometimes I get caught up in dieting and feeling ashamed for eating anything that I feel I shouldn't be, or I obsess over finding some cleanse to quickly flush out the weight that I want to lose. And when I am around another girl who I I feel is more attractive than me, it can be easy to feel inadequate. And this only gets worse when I hear her complain about her "fat" legs or talk about how she can't eat that day because she needs to slim down.
I'll admit it, I've been the cause of this as well, making degrading comments about my own body to my friends. A lot of us do it, the route reason usually being that we feel the need to be showered with compliments and reassurance. It's honestly pretty twisted – we degrade ourselves and ultimately degrade those around us who may be even less comfortable with their bodies.
All of a sudden, it becomes a competition. We praise ourselves for skipping meals, feel satisfaction from being a jeans size smaller than our friend whom we always envied. And we make each other aware, usually subtly, of these feats, like they're badges of honor. We alleviate our own insecurities by pushing them onto others, opening up the recently closed-up wounds containing negative feelings that they have about their own bodies. Whether we intend to or not, our body-bashing habits are harming those around us.
If we want to truly change the way that so many women and young girls view their bodies, we need to work from within the collective group. As friends, we should be supporting each other. We should be able to have healthy, honest talks about our bodies and how we feel towards them. We shouldn't feel brought down by the people who are supposed to lift us up. And we should promote healthy habits in each other like eating well and being comfortable with the way we look, instead of going along with cutting out food and picking out bodily flaws. Friends should be sources of strength, not sources of weakness.
By supporting each other, the need to compare and compete with friends to have better body images can fade. It's more than images of models and celebrities that determine our self-worth – it's the words and actions of the people surrounding us. Let's give each other the love and respect that we each want and deserve. Battling body standards can't happen if we're pitted against each other. We need to stick together in this common goal of promoting body positivity, both in our friendships and beyond.
