This morning, I read an article titled "4 Things To Do If You're Single And Waiting For Marriage." While I enjoyed a lot of what Danielle had to say, I want to respond with some of my own thoughts and convictions.
I have been a single girl my entire life. For 23 years, it has been myself, and once I turned 13, Jesus jumped on board too.
Most days, I don't mind being single. I have a fun personality, I'm loving and kind, and I don't need anyone else to amplify who I've already been made to be by God.
If I never marry, I could totally rock a life of singleness. But then, there are "those days."
If you are a single girl in your twenties, you know exactly what "those days" are. You scroll through Facebook and another one of your friends is engaged. You find yourself sitting at a table at Applebee's with a bunch of your friends who somehow turned into couples, and you wonder, "When did this even happen?" Then you go home, but not without stopping off for a pint of Ben & Jerry's "Half Baked" Ice Cream, turn on the Notebook and cry.
When I'm having one of "those days," I think back to what I learned growing up in youth group. I was given many tips and pieces of advice for surviving my singleness.
One day I was working through the advice and came to the realization that God never calls his people to merely survive. John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."
God wants us to thrive in every situation in our lives, and this includes being single. Instead of focusing on what we can do until we find our husband, we need to pay attention to what God is trying to do in us.
When I was growing up, the idea of preparing myself for my husband was drilled into my head time after time. As I've grown up and matured in my faith, I've realized when we buy into that idea we aren't living a life fully surrendered to God.
Why is it that we are only willing to give God our heart and obedience when we feel there is going to be a reward for doing so?
I hate to break it to you, but if you only reach toward God so he will deliver someone to your doorstep, and once that man shows up and knocks on your front door, you will invite him in and kick God out. It may be slowly or all at once, but you will stop relying on God because you were never truly relying on Him in the first place.
Following the idea of preparing myself, I always thought it was to pray for my future spouse. While the sentiment here is great, and I do think it's important that we are praying for others, I believe we should really be praying and seeing what God has for us first.
By praying and asking for what we want, we are doing ourselves a disservice. Do I believe God can give us the desires of our hearts? I fully believe that. However, God's ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. He may want us to keep our eyes open to someone we wouldn't necessarily consider.
Following that up, I want to state I don't believe there is "one person" out there for you. Logically, we can dismantle that argument.
If Jenny and Johnny are soulmates, but Jenny ends up marrying Robert, it means Jenny, Johnny and Robert no longer have the chance to marry their soulmates. Then, they will marry the "wrong" one, and those people will marry the "wrong" one, and the cycle continues. One person marrying someone who isn't their soulmate then ruins that idea for all of humanity.
I think God knows all of his children, and I believe He knows a few different people with whom we could have healthy relationships. If we are seeking after him, he will lead us to cross paths with those people.
This last idea is going to hurt, and I know that because for a while I denied this fact for the sake of my own feelings.
No where in scripture are we promised a husband or wife.
Many use the scripture in Genesis where God said, "It's not good for man to be alone, so God created a helper for him," to support God having one specific person for them.
However, we need to take into account the words of Paul, a single man, in 1 Corinthians 7. He said, "Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
We need to look at our situation and realize there is nothing wrong with singleness, and if you're single, there is nothing wrong with you! Single is not who you are. Your identity lies in the fact that you are God's child. He has given you your personality and passions and all the love you could ever need in relationship with him.
We need to be so focused on God and knowing Him, that we are okay with the potential of not getting married. As much as it hurts sometimes, we need to deny ourselves and follow after Christ.
Many of these ideas took me a long time to accept. Reading my thoughts may be easy or hard for you and you may agree or disagree. I am okay with that. My goal here is to spur you on to chase hard and fast after God, not just walk a few steps behind him.
Be in sync with the Lord and His will for your life, even if it hurts and isn't what you thought life would look like. Trust the God that made you and knows you.
