Looking back at what things were like a year ago, I realize now how much growing up can happen in a year, even if you think you're already pretty grown up.
A year ago, things were very dark for me. I wasn't happy and I didn't know why. I had a great boyfriend who treated me pretty well, a loving family, a few good friends, a loving sisterhood, the list goes on and on. For some reason, I was still just always miserable. I needed constant assurance that I was loved and constant attention. I ended up smothering my boyfriend so much that he got tired of it and left me. I felt completely alone, like I had no one to turn to, even though I did have people that would be there for me. (The picture below is me a year ago.)
I ended up in the hospital for a few days and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders. All that time, I thought everything that had been wrong was normal and I was just over exaggerating it all. I was also able to figure out where the problems stemmed from during my stay, but we won't get into that.
Actually getting help has worked wonders in my life. I've been able to break out of my shell and talk to new people instead consistently closing myself off from the world. I've become independent and can take care of myself. I don't need the constant attention anymore. I'm actually happy for the first time in YEARS, probably since late high school. I can even see the difference in pictures. I've actually learned how to stand up for myself and say no to things, which I didn't do before because I wanted to please everyone so they'd love me. I realize now, telling someone no isn't going to make them hate you, and if it does, you probably don't need them in your life anyway. I also realize that not everybody is going to like you, and that's ok. (The picture below is this year, just a year later. I'm the one on the right.)
I never would've imagined how different I'd be as a person in just a year. Looking back, I'm so thankful that my boyfriend at the time broke up with me because I honestly don't know if I would've gotten help if he hadn't. I'm thankful for the fights with my mom because they opened both of our eyes and brought us closer. I'm thankful for the friends who stuck around and I'm thankful that the toxic ones didn't. I'm thankful for a family that supported me and took care of me even though they didn't completely understand. Most importantly, I thank God for a second chance. Not everyone gets a second chance, but I was given one, and although I may mess up sometimes, this time I'm doing it right.
