To the boy who forgot,
We became friends when my best friend at the time started dating you. All three of us hung out constantly, day and night. We were the three musketeers and no one could stop us. You and I became really close while you were dating my best friend but soon after, I realized that your guys' relationship was toxic and it had one of the worst ways of ending. Somehow, I ended up in the middle of it and, in the end, I had to choose between the friend who I knew longer but made poor choices with, or the friend who I didn't know as long but built me up instead of down. It was one of the hardest decisions and I was hated for it. Whether you knew this or not, I chose you in the end. I chose to end my friendship with the girl who I cared deeply about but made poor choices with. I chose you because, in the end, you were the one who was going to be the best influence and built me up. I chose you because, no matter what, you were one of the few people in my life who lived through that hard year with me of my dad dying and stayed by my side.
You always pushed me to do my best and supported me throughout my Sophomore year. You always believed I could get into my dream school, Utah Valley University, ever since I started talking about it. You always believed that I could go into acting and we would talk about what movies I would be in and whether I would survive in a horror film or not. We would have fascinating conversations about the universe and whether or not there was life out there. You were the one who calmed me down when I had a panic attack and told me I would be okay, I just had to breathe.
We had so many amazing and crazy memories together. I remember having a sign at my apartment that spelled out my name and when you spent the night, you had rearranged the letters.
You called yourself my big brother. You promised me that you'd never leave me and that once I graduated high school, you'd consider going to the same college as me or at least move closer to where I was going to live. You promised me.
Yet, there we were, saying goodbye to each other at a bus station one day, as you left to take a break from this small town that we lived in. You told me to take care of myself but promised that this wasn't the end, that we would still talk all the time and you would always be here for me. I remember hugging you for the longest time then going home and crying so much it lead to a panic attack. I was terrified that one of the few people that had been there for me in such a long time, was going to leave for good. Little did I know, I was right.
We talked one time while you were gone and in the time that you left and came back, my dad had passed away and I had moved a thousand miles away, never getting to welcome you home and say goodbye.
We didn't talk for two years. I tried reaching out and at first, it worked. But then you started to pull away and ignore all messages I sent you. I'm not going to lie, I'm still hurt over it and when I think about all our memories, it hurts even more because I can still hear your laugh and picture your smile. Sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong. Maybe we just drifted apart and became two separate people and as much as it hurts, I understand. I understand because I've had two years to mourn the loss of our friendship.
Through all of this, I wanted to thank you. Thank you for showing me a way out of the darkness I was in for that one year. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on when I had to come to the realization that my dad wasn't going to make it. Thank you for going to the hospital with me to see him. Thank you for buying me McDonald's at 2 a.m. when we hung out. Thank you for the long night conversations, smiles, laughs and silly faces. Thank you for talking me out of suicide over the phone while you were gone. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for loving me for who I was and taking care of me. Thank you for never giving up on me and pushing me to do my best at school and out there in the real world. Thank you for believing in me and inspiring me to be myself as well as to never give up on my dreams and to chase them. Thank you for being one of my reasons to graduate even if we didn't talk. Thank you for showing me that there is still good in this world.
Most importantly, thank you for showing me to not take friendships or relationships for granted because they can be gone in the blink of an eye. You will always have a special place in my heart no matter what and you will always be a big brother to me. I wish you all the best in life and hope you're doing well.
All my love,
A girl who never forgot
