The Battlegrounds Of Anxiety And Depression
Health and Wellness

The Battlegrounds Of Anxiety And Depression

We all have our own battles, this just happens to be mine.

Liz Domeck

“Write hard and clear about what hurts” - Ernest Hemingway

Mental health struggles aren't talked about very often, especially in the church; they're almost treated as though they're invisible due to the generous complexity the particular illness may accompany.

They do need to be talked about because community is important. People are important.

Real and raw vulnerability isn't always easy nor especially comfortable, I'm scared actually.

Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but in order to grow and reach one another, sometimes it takes a genuine and vulnerable self, especially as a writer.

Even though I'm scared, I'm learning.

I am learning to be still.

She wakes up and she wonders if she’s going to be strong today.

She is curious if her body is going to allow her to fight back, if she is going to maintain control over her mind and the thoughts that entangle her, the lies that hold her captive and the feelings that devour her.

She wonders if she is going to be able to keep fighting, to overcome herself and the dark lurking monster that creeps in when she’s weak. She can't do it all herself. Anxiety that invites depression, depression that engages the self-inflicted scars and the scars that summon the demeaning lies that then relinquish the cycle to start all over again.

Right when you thought you made progress you indulge another mark on your body, all because of the lies. Those scars are ugly, but your story has the potential to be beautiful. One day, maybe those scars will prove you are stronger than those lies you hear. Those scars only reminisce the fact that you’re human and conceived from the age of Adam, in the land of sin.

One day there will be no more suffering, He overcomes. He overcame. He fights for you every day. He fights for me. She wonders why today is a dark and anxious day already, within the first four steps out of bed.

Why was yesterday sunny and normal and today she’s weak.

She wants to pretend she isn’t actually feeling what she is, that she’s not depressed with these overbearing thoughts and lies, that the sensations and trembling quakes in her body are just the brewing of yet another panic attack beginning to erupt.

She tries to trick herself into pretending she wants to get dressed and not crawl back into bed; the alarm went off and it’s time to decide if today she’s going to fight.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made, she reminds herself.

Lord reign in her. She needs to remember to put on her armor, keep her head up, go brush her teeth and to overlook the scars as she decides what to wear.

She needs to tell herself it's OK: “I just forgot to fight that day,” but today is a different day.

She needs to remember that those scars... they may not fade, but they do mark of a journey and serve as a reminder, to not let them win. To not let them win and multiply themselves again with the shame and discouragement, resentment and pain they bring. The release the scar brings is only momentary while it comes with a decent shed of blood; the defeat and regret that accompanies the mess is just another battle gone wrong.

I cannot fight this on my own; he must be my strength and refuge.

She needs to remember we all have our battles and every day is just another in the fight. She needs to remember she can’t defeat Goliath without revealing her weapons and putting on the armor of God. The day might be long, hard and trying, it might try to refute her being and existence, but those are just lies, and the same once before. Therefore she must let go and move on in the distance.

“Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced. . . It is that absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling, which is so very different from feeling sad. Sad hurts but it's a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different.” - J.K. Rowling

Surrender, that word offers quite a large load of profound meaning, concept and bliss; but the thing is many can’t always find the literal action among their wildest consent.

“Take my life Lord and let it be, consecrated all to thee”

Surrender. If only she could try a bit harder, remove all her flesh stains and start again, real from the beginning. If only she could come to humble herself, to allow her great God to reveal himself. Surrender is just; it is to admit you’re not enough, to acknowledge yourself as weak as you are.

To surrender yourself is to tie down your thoughts, to retreat from your desires and remember only God’s. Surrender is to submit yourself unto thee, to give him your weakness and bow to your knees. Humility is key, but foreign to flesh. We’re smarter, we’re better and we know what’s best. Surrender and humble yourself. Stop believing and receiving the lies, start knowing and accepting his grace.

How I do wish I could listen to those words more.

When it feels dark and seems quite hopeless, when your mind and your body feel as though they've gone mad, surrender. The dark one, he preys on those moments of weakness and he fights us until we surrender and cease things; but to surrender to whom is most vitally important. Those moments can be the ones you regret for forever, a lifetime even. Humility is key. I must bow to my knee's and remember these marks are just battle scars and that these days are just seconds in the midst of eternity. So on my weakest of days and my lowest of times I must truly remember to surrender my life. So when things feel so dark and seem so very hopeless, I try to remember He will fight for me and that I only need to be still.

I am learning.


a fighter on the battlegrounds of anxiety and depression.

"The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still" Exodus 14:14

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Health and Wellness

This Survey Shows How Quarantine And Drinking Relate, And I Can't Say I'm Surprised

"5 o'clock somewhere" is more of a guideline now than ever.

As it stands, and my friends and I are finally 21. We're extremely excited to be able to go out to bars and "get lit" as the kids say, but due to the pandemic, all of our plans have been put on hold. We'd rather wait and go when it's safe than risk spreading the infection and hurting our loved ones. So, we've all been quarantining apart, getting on the occasional wine zoom call. This made me wonder if anyone else our age were doing the same thing.

Then, I discovered this survey: We Surveyed Millennials And Gen Z About Their Quarantine Drinking Habits — Cheers. Here are 3 things that I discovered through the survey results.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Ways To Celebrate The 4th of July — Without Fireworks Or Social Gatherings

We created a list of things to do since social distancing may create a dent in our typical, planned traditions.

With the Fourth of July on Saturday, the usual tradition of popping fireworks, grilling out, and being surrounded by family has been modified due to the pandemic. Whether you're a loner or surrounded by family, there will most likely be some changes to your celebrations.

For weeks on social media, people across the country have been complaining that they have been subjected to fireworks going off at all times of the night into the early morning. This has sparked concern and questions about why this is happening and how are people even obtaining the fireworks.

Keep Reading... Show less

Carb And Cheese Lovers, Unite — These Are The Best Mac And Cheese Recipes On The Internet

Whether you need to get through the current pandemic or want to spice up your Fourth of July celebrations, these mac and cheese recipes will do just that.

My favorite food is mac and cheese, and it always has been. All it requires is noodles and cheese — it's so simple to make. Although it's my favorite, it can also get kind of mundane because it's such a simple recipe. This, of course, has led to many people all over the world experimenting with the American staple.

With our lives currently being turned upside down due to the pandemic, a lot of people are seeking comfort. These are scary times, and in order to make it day-to-day, we need to have our favorite foods as a standby. These recipes can also be used during your celebration of the Fourth of July.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

17 Things To Make You Feel GOOD This Week

Because some purchases are just necessary.

Y'all, we're struggling. You don't even have to tell me, I know. What a mess we're all in, right? This year is not going how we planned and the world has turned into one giant struggle bus. I guess you could be super philosophical about everything happening for a reason, but sometimes life is just hard.

There are plenty of ways to bring yourself out of whatever rut you're in. You could go for a run, have a snack, or read a book. Or, if you're really looking for an adrenaline rush, go shopping. This is obviously not going to solve the world's problems with one swift click of the "checkout" button, but hey, it may just give you the little boost you need today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Wore A Butt Mask Every Day For A Month, And It's Officially Essential In My Daily Self-Love Routine Now

Thirty days later, my booty's as smooth as a baby's.

- Blissfully unaware that butt-care beyond squats was even something I should be considering in my self-care routine, I tried one of Bawdy Beauty's butt masks for the first time a month ago.

- I've never really given my butt a second though till I took a look at improvements that could be made with the mask — if one of the hydrating, firming, detoxifying, or brightening masks in the kit I received could either smooth out cellulite or tone my skin a bit more, I wasn't going to complain.

- Each Bawdy Beauty sheet mask comes in an individually-packaged sheet, soaked with a serum I massaged into my skin after removing said sheet. The clay butt mask comes in a convenient stick format I simply draw on to my skin and leave to set for about 10 minutes before hopping into the shower.

- I set a goal of committing myself to butt-care every day for one month. Between the regular use of sheet masks, clay masks, and their CBD Butt Balm in between, I didn't have many expectations.

- I thought the whole concept may just be a gimmick, but my butt has never looked so toned in my life, and the cellulite I had is almost completely gone. I wear one every single day when I get the chance.

I'm incredibly skeptical when it comes to marketing ploys and gimmicks in the beauty world. I'll be the first cynic to try out the latest serum on the market every influencer is raving about just to negate every grandiose claim it makes.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, you don't have to be quarantined to use a personal massager, you know? Because, sure, quarantine made for a lot of extra quality time with yourself, but no matter what phase of the reopening process you're in, it's normal and actually healthy to take care of your sexual needs on your own.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Books I Didn't Realize Are About Gay Women

If you read primarily LGBTQ fiction, then this list might help to expand your TBR list.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Frequent readers of LGBTQ fiction might feel like they're reading the same book over and over again, with few exceptions.

Most of these books were on my TBR list for months and I didn't realize they were about gay women until I was reading them, hopefully, this list of books can interest you in expanding your reading material and seeking out different stories.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments