I usually try to write about things personal to me, but generally more light-hearted. So, out of everything I've written thus far, this article is by far the hardest. I want to address the issue of balancing anxiety. And I don't mean "Top Ten Ways You Can Help Anxiety" or "A Quick Fix for Anxiety," or, by far my favorite "Home Remedies for Anxiety." Because, if you're like me, you know these lists are bullshit. You know that at 2 a.m., after four hours of trying every stupid breathing exercise and after counting past numbers you didn't know existed to try to calm down; you know that there is no quick fix for anxiety. You know that there aren't enough spoonfuls of sugar in the world to cure you in an hour when weeks of therapy didn't work.

Anxiety is a balancing act. And I don't mean the time management part, or the self-love part, though both are vitally important. I mean the part that makes life surreal sometimes. A lot of the time, with my anxiety, I'll do things without thinking because I thought I couldn't mentally handle not doing them. I'll call people I shouldn't, put myself into situations I shouldn't, and make impulsive decisions because I convince myself I need to or I won't be able to handle it physically. Anxiety is a balancing act because while we have to make strides to avoid things we know in the long run will stress us out too much, we also can't keep being scared of everything. We can't keep making excuses for our actions or non-actions because we're scared that anything we do remotely related to stress will cause us to heave up our stomach or burn a hole in our chest. We've come to a point in society where mental illness is viewed more positively than in previous years, but it's still something we try to hide. And we're scared, terrified really, that if we get too anxious, people close to us might stop seeing slight mental illness and start seeing a person with a mental health condition. It's almost as if there is only a degree of mental illness the world and loved ones can handle before they start telling you about the medical help you need.

So how do we remedy this balancing act? How do we help ourselves without hurting ourselves? How do we stop anxiety caused by a fear of anxiety itself? Well, these are all mostly rhetorical questions because I couldn't give you the answer. I still have horrible nights. I still have great nights. And both are harmful in their way. My bad nights make me think there is something seriously wrong with me, and my good nights make me convince myself I don't need to try to help myself because my life is just so great at that moment.

For me, the only thing that has saved me thus far has been the people around me — the people that have genuinely tried to understand how I need to be helped. There's no easy way to help someone with anxiety, and what I find funny is that all our treatment options are so vastly different. Helping someone with anxiety all comes down to what comforts them as a person, and who they are. I've found comfort in the hours of talking my friends have stayed up with me doing to calm me down. I've found happiness in having friends trustworthy enough to make me cry when I need to so I can release frustration. I've found comfort in the people who can make me laugh one morning and sit with me on a bathroom floor at 2 a.m. as I vomit out my stress. For me, I'm still trying to find my way back to real life. I'm trying to crawl out from under the weight of a monster called anxiety which makes my life hell. I'm convinced that sometimes I make a big deal out of things because I want to be unhappy. I'm terrified that maybe I've lived under this darkness so long, I'm starting to embrace it rather than keep fighting. But its people around me that have brought me this far. It's people that care enough to take time to understand the needs that have allowed me to be here still.

If you know someone with anxiety, see that they do appreciate any efforts you make. But sometimes we get tired of trying to train people how to take care of us or pretending to like how others take care of us as they would themselves. Understand that we are different people from you, and we need different things. But here are some things that other people do that make life with anxiety much harder:

All in all, we all slip up sometimes, and its hard to control everything we do. None of my friends have followed this list correctly, and I haven't with my other friends, but they're all actions that don't go unnoticed. Care about who you're taking care of, and try. That is all we could ever ask for.