To whom it may concern,

I am a 26-year-old college student living in a small town in New York state. To get to know my struggle you have to know who I was. I was born at 27 weeks fetal development. My mother was very ill during pregnancy and did not know. Upon arriving at the hospital three days before she had me my mom was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome, HELLP syndrome occurs when a woman's liver functions are elevated can be very dangerous. The doctors had no choice but to deliver me right away because they didn't know if either my mother or I would live. My mother would recover as would I. I spent three months in the hospital trying to survive. I made it. My traumatic birth resulted in a condition known as cerebral palsy. This means I'm unable to walk independently. I also suffer from chronic pain and vision problems and limited motor function. As a teenager, I missed many milestones. Problems with my eyesight as well as my poor muscle tone and reflexes make it impossible for me to drive a car. However, thanks to my uncle, I got a cell phone for my sixteenth birthday. During my adolescence I was a wallflower and a misfit. I never dated due to my body image issues, became very reclusive.

My social awkwardness was made up for by my desire to learn. I always loved English class would receive the highest grades on my report card as well as praise for my unique writing style. High school opened up new doors for me. I would eventually get a job at an entertainment center and meet a guy that I thought I could trust. My job forced me into the public eye and made me have to learn to communicate with other people. This put me into the spotlight, and I loved it. With this new found confidence, I was able to start dating.

The internet introduced me to a man who one might refer to as a “good old boy.” His true passions in life consisted of his pickup truck, Mountain Dew, and Rob Zombie music. He was always polite. He went to church on Sundays without fail, and his lifelong dream was to travel across America. It looked like that we would have a simple life together when we started throwing around the idea of getting hitched. He would come over for dinners with the family who all seemed to be as smitten as I was.

At that time I was attending a college not far from home in upstate New York. I had 90 out of 120 credits needed to graduate. "Let me finish college," I said. I thought that would give me more time to tend to our home and the children which we both wanted.

I was studying to be a social worker. It was what I always wanted to do ever since I was in my teens and started to see a therapist when I struggled with mental health. I had my life all planned out. I was going to marry a hometown boy. We were both going to have good times where we could support our children. We would raise with the help of our families, in a quiet New York town. A different kind of life never occurred to me, aside from my teens when I wanted to run away to Los Angeles and become a famous author and actress.

At one point the man that I was in love with had taken the steps to obtain a CDL (basically a license to be a long Hull truck driver), I did not question him being gone for a long period of time. He told me that it was best for both of us and it would save money enable us to get a place of our own quicker. The money he said he was saving, was sunk into yet another vehicle but he did not need it. He already had two cars and a motorcycle. I was livid when he told me about the very frivolous purchase.

I found out that he was texting other girls on his many long trips while working for the natural gas industry. When he was confronted, he told me it was because I couldn't go hiking with him. I've spent my entire life with the mobility device. What did he expect?

My heart was broken and all of my insecurities from my teenage years and my childhood bled to the surface again. It wouldn't be long before my rather dull life would become a roller coaster ride.

I was becoming bored with my counseling classes. The school had told me to leave because me being there required them to meet a lot of "unrealistic" accommodations that didn't jive with the historic feel of the campus. I was becoming very lost. I was slipping into depression. It is not uncommon for people who are suffering from depression to seek highs. I started partying shortly after the break-up and having to leave school.

At one such party, I met a guy with whom I seem to hit it off very quickly, a three-day weekend basically turned into me living with him. I was in a drunken haze most of the time that we were together, and he was no better. I found out shortly before leaving him that his parents were basically paying for everything we needed. When his mother returned from the store, it was not only our groceries, but more money than we had initially given her. He needed the money. He wasn't going to work I was infuriated with this new revelation.

I needed time away. I went to visit my grandparents in Florida. I had a great time seeing them, going on rides and drinking butterbeer at the Harry Potter park. Upon my return, I discovered that he'd been unfaithful to me more than once.

I was heartbroken, but not surprised, this was a simple case of be careful what you wish for. We are almost never alone together. We seem to have hot and cold running house guest and whiskey seemed to flow like water. I wanted something different, I had begun to grow very restless. I longed to be the introverted little bookworm that I was before meeting this man. I wasn't sure what to do and my stubborn pride made it almost impossible for me to tell my parent. I turned to God for help. I prayed for him to make things better. At this point in my life, I was thought to be staunch atheist but I had nothing to lose. I'm praying that everything would go back to the way it was or at least that things between me the man whom I loved would get better. This was shortly before the disintegration of my so-called “relationship” and my return to my old life. I know I've been a dreamer, so I re-enrolled in school to pursue my degree in writing.

On my birthday, I announced to my mother that I wanted to go back to school and pursue employment, as well as bettering my mental health. In April, I enrolled in a program that was meant to help me to find a job and get my life together. Nearing summer I still had no promise of employment. I kept getting turned down because I have improper physical mobility equipment, but my equipment it cannot be improved until I have a job. All I really want is to be happy. I have stopped drinking and the right socialization comes from fellow students and family. I'm working very hard to get my grades where they need to be. I would like to move out of this small town to a more exciting place so I will have more opportunities and be able to do things. Unfortunately, I have no job to save money. It is very difficult for me to get employment through the state because there are many loopholes and red tape. I've been going through all the red tape jumping through hoops doing everything that I am being told, but things are slow and I keep taking two steps forward after seeming to take one step back. I have passed the job interviews I've had with flying colors, but I have yet to receive job offers because of my poor equipment being a liability. I can only receive new equipment with the promise of a job. I'm struggling to keep confidence in myself and keep faith in the system that's supposed to be helping me. All I really want is to be independent and get things in order. I would like to have my own place somewhere where I can subsist on my own. Because of hyper reflexes I can't drive a car it's difficult to get public transportation where I live. I think moving to a bigger city would be a big help. I'm afraid to try to pursue new life in a new place because I'm afraid that without employment history, no one will hire me and without proper equipment I won't be able to be safe. I'm telling you all this because I hear all the time that people who get assistance or apply for government programs are lazy. I assure you we are not; I can tell you that because I'm certainly not. People make mistakes, but everyone deserves a second chance and everyone could be something special if they had an opportunity and drive to do it. I will be chasing a career as a writer and I hope to adopt a child. The idea of chasing my dream scares the hell out of me, but I'm going to do it anyway. I just wish more people were on my side.

Please support your friends and neighbors, not with money but with understanding, justice, and goodwill.

Thank you,