If you can't think of a friend that fills one of these categories, it's you.
1. The "Serial Monogamist"
These are the people that can't function when they're not in a relationship. These people also snapback faster than a Lids store. You're not certain if they like the people they're with, or just the dating rituals. You start to wonder if it's become a sort of game for them; to see how quickly they can cycle through all the stages of a relationship like some sort of bizarre emotional triathlon. I'd watch that at the next Olympics.
2. The on again, off again, on again, off again....
This is that one friend who is somehow be in a constant state of drama. You're not entirely sure how they pull this off; but they seem to spend more time split up from their significant other than actually dating them. It's at the point where you hesitate to pick up your phone when they call. Every time you do, you end up staying on that line for a solid hour and a half, assuring your emotional wreck of a friend that they deserve better. Your friend will, in turn, assure you that they're "over for good this time", promise not to call them, and hang up. You will inevitably see the couple, back together, the very next day, getting froyo and engaging in excessive PDA.
3. The One who just wants to have fun
If not for the invention of contraceptives, this is the friend that would have had several children by now. A good portion of these children would have been conceived in the laundry room of a frat house, and christened by father Jack Daniels. Not that this bothers your friend much, they've always been the wild card. Their booty calls are on speed dial. You're not sure if they actually live anywhere or just get along by waking up in different beds each morning. They're the reason you carry Purell. But hey, as long as they're staying safe, who are you to judge?
4. The One who "just wants to have fun"
If you read #3 and thought, "oh this is me!" I have some bad news for you. The difference between the two is simply the ability to catch feelings. #3 is the true wild card, the friend who gives no f***s and feels no shame. #4 is the friend who loved the idea of this, then tried to apply it to their own life only to realize that it just did not work for them. That first one night stand was a nervous nightmare of trying to remember their partner's name, any time they attempted a booty call they ended up doing more Netflix than chill, and worst of all, they caught feelings. They're in too deep to stop now, especially because they're trying to keep up with #3, so they're just going to have to ride out the bluff until they can graduate and look back on it all as their "wild phase".
5. The one in the perfect relationship
This is the friend that has the best relationship out of anyone you know; their partner is kind, caring, and fun to be around, and your only complaint is that you can't think of a complaint. How dare they be so perfect for each other? How do they have the nerve to be adorable and loving all the time while you trudge back to an empty room every night? Life isn't fair, but you're trying your best to be happy for them. Jerks.
6. The one who could not care less
They've got it all figured out. Whether they just aren't sexually or romantically attracted to people, or if they just enjoy the single life, this is the friend who stays away from all forms of intimacy, hookups and relationships alike. You always envy them to some extent--after all, their lives seem so stress free in comparison! No catching feelings, no awkward one night stands, no drama. They get to be the spectators for the rest of the friend group's endeavors and they love every minute of it.
