If you've ever felt the horror in the pit of your stomach as you see a notification pop up in your instant messages on any form of social media, then you've probably met one, or all of these guys.
1. The one from high school:
This guy probably barely remembers that you even went to the same high school because he was so ‘cool’ and you were such a ‘nerd’. He now works at McDonalds and still is living in his glory days of high school. Hahaha, can I have fries with that?
2. The workout-aholic:
He only posts workout pictures and videos and he dm’s you saying how he would just LOVE to be your personal trainer. Ew.
3. The “Why aren’t we friends?”:
Well maybe because I don’t know you? You spend about 5 minutes wasting your time trying to figure out who this person is before realizing it’s that one guy you met at that one party from like sophomore year. If you can remember sophomore year that is.
4. The one that won’t speak to you in person:
His dm usually starts out with a ‘hey’ and it’s usually because you said hi and waved to him the day before because you’re not a completely miserable person bent on making everyone’s day terrible. He totally could have started a conversation with you but was much too shy and would rather act like a big tough guy online because he's incapable of holding a conversation in person.
5. The one with the girlfriend:
This one will start out with a really obvious question about a class you have together and then get really inappropriate, really fast. When you ask him about his girlfriend he says they’re going through a ‘rough patch’. Don’t worry, you’ll see her as his #wcw tomorrow.
6. The left swipe on Tinder:
This one starts it off with “Hey I liked you on Tinder”. Oh really? That’s nice, I don’t remember you but I sure didn’t right swipe ya now did I? Why exactly would that be different now?
7. The one that’s way too young:
This one comes in after your little siblings post a picture of you on the gram. One of her distant friends will add you and then about 2.4 seconds later you'll get a dm from someone who you're fairly sure it's past their bedtime. He’s like 15 and you’re just like “Wow, confident little bugger,”.
8. The “Let’s hang” one:
This one sends you the same dm about hanging out over and over and over again. Apparently 20 no responses wasn’t good enough for him. A+ for effort and A+ for annoyance.
9. The "hey you look good" one:
Dang straight I do! Way too good to sleep with someone who dm's me expecting that to get them somewhere! Surprise surprise, women are more than just their looks sir.
10. The one with the kid:
Apparently responding to the “Hey cutie” dm he sent you with “I hate kids” is inappropriate but so is you wanting me to be an instamommy. Hardpass.
11. The stranger:
You have no clue who this person is but his Facebook bio says he lives 200 miles away. Like, how. WHY.
12. The asshole:
He starts out with a “hey” and is insulting you, saying you’re rude or “not that pretty” when you don't respond within 4 minutes. Like excuse me, but you messaged me first sir so you can shove it cause I’m awesome.
13. The old one:
You are 20 years older than me sir. Please do not send me “hey sexy” messages because I just vomited all over my friend at Chik-fil-a and she does not appreciate it.
14. The “send nudez”:
Oh yes stranger I don’t know who creepily likes my pictures from last year, I am TOTALLY going to send you naked pictures. Probably of an old man with a disease though. You have fun with those.
15. The “hey, I’m bored” one:
Yeah well dude, I am not your source of entertainment. Boy BYE.
16. The “let’s play 20 questions” guy:
Or not, because 1. I have a life and don’t have that kind of time and 2. I don’t actually care that much.
17. The pet names one:
I am not your babe, baby, honey, sweetie, sugar pie, or any other sickening name you can think of calling me. I have a name for a reason and if you can’t remember it, please don’t bother talking to me. Again, BOY BYE.
18. The "hey, where you at?" one:
Far, far away from you and getting farther away allll the time.
19. The ex:
Excuse me but I blocked your number for a reason you cheating scumbag. Somehow I don’t think a dm is going to make up for me finding you with I don’t even know how many other side chicks. Block.
20. The cute one:
Rare as can be and when you actually message him back he can hold a conversation, but don't worry, as soon as you give him your number, he'll let his creeper side show somehow.
May the odds be ever in your favor ladies when dealing with all of these lovely dm’s because heaven forbid they just say a simple “Hi, how are you?:)”.
