Women have broken through a number of barriers over the decades. They’ve reached glass ceilings, shattered them and surpassed them. But we are constantly having to prove ourselves, time and time again. I was reminded of this when I came across a Facebook post the other day. It’s merely an excerpt of the post but it’s enough of a premise to make my point:
“In this generation, if you’re able to come across a girl who doesn’t like to party, who doesn’t smoke anything, who doesn’t do drugs, who doesn’t need all of the attention, who doesn’t require the materialistic things, who doesn’t entertain every cute guy who comes across, who’s secure about herself, my who doesn’t play games with your feelings, who knows how to be loyal to just only one man, who’s trying to get her life together, who’s attempting to do something with her life, who’s only going to school and work before she goes home, who has her priorities figured out, who still believes in a relationship, then that’s the kind of girl you want.…”
Wow.
Let me make it clear that I am not saying there is a thing wrong with this kind of girl, nor is there anything thing wrong with a guy having such standards for this kind of girl. Hell, for quite some time, I tried to be this girl. I wanted to be this girl. She is untouchable, respectable, brilliant-- seemingly perfect in every way.
Here is the wild thing about perfection, though: it doesn’t exist. And what I realized about trying to be perfect in order to be the girl who was wanted? It’s boring as hell. It wasn’t actually me.
As per usual, society, by way of the internet, likes to stigmatize girls. It likes to categorize them, it likes to declare which ones are or aren’t good enough. It likes to pick them apart, it likes to decide the qualities they should and should not have.
This Facebook post is another piece of the internet that attaches a negative connotation to any girl who possesses any of these characteristics. It shouts to girls that if they do or have done any of these things, they are not the girls that “you should want.”
I’ll tell you something, though. Girls, and humans in general, don’t grow without experiencing new things. They don’t gain wisdom or street smarts by simply going to school, work and home. They don’t learn from their mistakes without making any. The lines of their boundaries aren’t drawn until they figure out how close or far they need to be. They don’t figure out their priorities until they’ve knocked a few out of the running, and they can’t do that until they’ve experienced them. They can't be brave without going out and conquering their fears. They don’t figure out what they want to do with their lives without seeing new perspective. They don’t find a healthy relationship without meeting and engaging with new people. They can’t live a good life without living one at all.
Stop painting the image to girls, young ladies and women around the world that they are automatically unwanted because they choose to make memories in diverse ways. Don’t demonize them for making mistakes. Don’t be shallow or naïve enough to believe that innocence is synonymous with perfection. Don’t be dumb enough to want a smart girl but not give her the chance to learn anything first. Don't assume she gives more of a shit about being "the kind of girl you want" than she does about being the kind of girl she wants to be.
Surely, you want the kind of girl who would accept you for who are, mistakes, flaws and all. So, surely again, she would want someone who would do the same for her.
There were qualities in that Facebook post that are perfectly expected. Wanting a loyal, trust-worthy, non-materialistic and selfless girl is OK. It’s OK to have standards for yourself and for others. It’s OK to want to want to live a certain kind of life and share it with someone who wants the same. What's not OK is clumping all of those characteristics together with those of someone simply living out life.
So if your options are only open to perfection, you are closing the door to every smart, beautiful, funny and imperfect girl ever. Take your pick.
