Sometimes I feel like my identity can be wrapped up in the phases of my life when I have been sick. I have been diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases, meaning my immune system identified other parts of my body as a threat and attacked the cells making up those parts.

First, at age six, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes (Juvenile Diabetes). My immune system thought my pancreas was a foreign object and destroyed the cells there helping my body produce insulin. There is no known cure for diabetes, just treatments (insulin shots) to keep your body functioning. Second, at age 7 and again at age 17, I had two attacks of Guillain-Barrè Syndrome (GBS). Here my immune system attacked my nervous system, leaving me paralyzed from head to toe. Both times, I recovered, and I'm able to do almost everything normally. GBS is a rare disease that occurs in about one out of 100,000 people. Also, there's only a 1-5% chance that it will reoccur, but here I am. There are some side effects and lasting repercussions, but I am able to walk, run, jump, etc., and for that I am grateful.

However, there have been times during my life where I felt bitter towards my body. There have been times during my life where I felt bitter towards God for creating me this way. I have spent time asking the question, "Why?" and I have spent time asking God if it's because my faith wasn't big enough.

All my life, I have read stories in the Bible where Jesus healed the sick and lame because of their faith. In Mark 5, he says,

"Go, daughter. Your faith has made you well."

I have read these stories and I have listened to songs that call God the great Physician and Almighty Healer, and in the back of my heart, that has always struck a nerve in me. Here I am, living with these illnesses, and what has God done to heal me? Has He not healed me from my own immune system because my faith in Him isn't strong enough? Am I being punished for something?

Then one day, I heard a song that would give me the answer I had been looking for.

"By His wounds, we are healed."

For whatever reason on that day, I finally discovered the truth that Jesus wanted me to see all along. Yes, Jesus healed people physically on this earth because they had faith that He could heal them. However, more importantly, Jesus healed them spiritually because of their faith in who He was. One day, those people who suffered from leprosy and sickness and paralysis will go to meet their Savior. Jesus offered them ETERNAL healing. And now, because of my faith and because of His wounds, He has offered me the same type of healing.

Jesus might not have chosen to remove the autoimmune diseases from my body, but He has chosen to heal me in eternity. The pain that has stricken my body while I am living here in this broken world is not the result of a lack of faith.

It's just the result of a broken world.

And one day....one glorious day...I won't feel pain from this world anymore.

And neither will you. If you believe in who Jesus was and have given your life to Him, you will be free from pain and tears and illness too. No matter what battles you are facing--physical, emotional, or mental--one day, you will be free from the pain of this world. By His wounds (His death on the cross), we will be healed.

For so long, I had been holding onto this hope that if I just had enough faith...

If I just believed in Him a little bit harder...

If I just pretended that I was okay with being sick...

That one day while I was still on this earth, Jesus would speak to me and say, "Your faith has made you well."

But I realize now that I have that hope for my eternity. Now my hope for this life is that God could use me through my sickness. If just one person sees my sickness as a testimony to what Jesus endured on the cross for us all, then I can have peace while enduring this broken body in a broken world. I know that I can't fully understand why I have to go through these diseases, but I do know that there is always a plan and a purpose according to God's will.

I hope you can come to the same conclusion despite your pain. None of us are free from suffering, but we all have a choice on how we will respond to it. Will you allow it to make you bitter? Will you let it steal your joy? Or will you allow it to be a light in this damaged world?

My prayer for you is that you find peace among the pain.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Psalm 73:26