It doesn’t matter what you call it, whether it be telling, confessing, or admitting, the action of telling your mother that you have any kind of disease can be earth-shattering. Telling your mother you have anorexia, a disease characterized by abstaining from food and nutrition, can leave her confused, angry, and saddened. I say confused because it is likely that she will not understand unless she has struggled with an eating disorder during her teen years, or even now. She will be seemingly angry with you, but her anger is not directed towards you; it is pointed directly at the disease and the disease only. Your mother will be sad, this feeling is inevitable and she will cry, whether she wants to or not.

Nothing can be compared to the look in her eyes when you admit that you have been lying about what you’ve been eating for the last few months. The sorrow in her tone when she tells you she doesn’t understand why you’ve been trashing your perishable lunch items will only be worse when she learns that you have weeks worth of granola bars piled up in your locker, under the pile of sweaters you have to keep you warm. I know it’s not easy on you, I’ve been there. But remember, it isn’t easy on her either.

I remember the day I had to tell my mom that I was suffering from an eating disorder; it was a chilly day in December of 2014. When it came down to it, I wasn’t even the one who told her. I was at the mercy of a teacher who so graciously agreed to tell her, after being given 3 options – “You tell her; I’ll tell her; We tell her”. Being scared to death and deep into a disorder that was killing me, I looked at my teacher telling him that I couldn’t tell my parents regardless of how necessary it was. He reminded me profusely that the only way I could be treated was by letting my parents in on my disorder. The matter of insurance was what stood between me and being treated – I had to tell them.

Listening to my teacher explain to my mom that I had anorexia was horrifying. I watched as the tears rolled down her face, looking at me in immense pain asking the only question she could, “Why?” My fear left me unable to answer, and I was drilled for the next year with questions from both of my parents, who couldn’t comprehend why I couldn’t ‘just eat’. I didn’t know how to answer the questions, just as much as they were clueless on what an eating disorder really was and why individuals suffer from them. It wasn’t until a year later, when I was admitted into inpatient treatment in Baltimore that I think my disorder became more concrete to them – it was something that, left untreated, could have fatal effects.

I’m not sure that there is a method to this, and there is definitely not a step-by-step set of instructions on how to break the news of a battle with an eating disorder. As difficult as it is to tell, it is equally as difficult to hear. Telling your mom that her baby girl is starving herself, with little to no explanation as to why is heartbreaking. Chances are, she will ask hundreds of questions, begin checking on you as often as she did in your younger ages, and try to push you to eat even after you’ve made up your mind not to. She isn’t trying to get on your bad side, or to be overbearing, she is doing it because she cares.

If I’ve learned anything in breaking the news to a parent about an eating disorder, it is this: your parents are always behind you, whether it may seem that way all the time or not. By opening up to them about something so serious, you are letting them know that you trust them enough to seek a treatment facility or program that will suit you and your needs best. It is not easy, and to be frank, it will hurt immensely at first. You will wish you never told them, kicking yourself in the ass more than a few times, but will one day be grateful that you were able to be honest and get the help you needed. Tell your mom, whether she is your best friend or not, whether you would consider your relationship to be on good terms or not. You have a life to live, and she wants to see you through to making the most of your time here on earth. Let her in, let her help, let her love you.