Hey there. You haven't met me yet but, just the same, I'd like to share some things with you.
Your life is going to change a lot. I know that's not what you want to hear. I know right now you feel like living in some sort of twisted episode of "Tales from the Crypt." Every time you try to do something you feel like you're falling down those crazy stairs in the intro, and death is definitely waiting for you once you get to the bottom; but you'll be okay.
Right now, the simplest things seem like a never-ending battle for you. I know about your nighttime food binges when you gorge on Chex Mix, potato chips and candy when no one is looking. And then you run to the bathroom to get rid of it. You will continue to battle bulimia for a while, and it won't be easy to think of food as a friend but you will. School's difficult for you. The kids think you're weird, the teachers are at their wit's end, and even those who care about you in the first place (I know there are only a couple) are fed up with you. They see you as someone who is bright and intelligent and well spoken. But they don't understand why your homework isn't coming in. That's because deep down in the depths of your soul, you're afraid you're going to fail and feel that if you do it will be on your terms.
I know you've experienced some degree of discrimination on a daily basis. You've been told you're lazy or don't care about anything, but it's only because the rest of the world doesn't understand the things you struggle with every day of your life. All you really want is a body without scars and to sit with the jocks and preppy kids at the lunch table, but you don't play sports and look horrible in their color of choice which is yellow so that's not going to work for you.
I know you think no one loves you because the only things important to the kids your age is being held to a God-like status by others and having them want to be like you no matter what it takes. I know you feel destined to live in your parents basement for the rest of your life. You're slightly jealous of your little sister even though you'd never admit it because she has an easier time making friends and seems to get along with everyone better than you do.
I'm here to tell you that you're 26 now. You'll like "Tales from the Crypt" because it reminds you of your Uncle Mike. he lives in Tennessee and has two beautiful boys, an awesome wife and a playful dog, all of whom you love dearly. You are now a shapely young woman who gets compliments on her sexy voice and beautiful brown eyes. In high school, you move to North Carolina and make friends who are just as unique and amazing as you are. You still keep in touch with them on a regular basis and you love them all. You even get to go to prom. Your dress is sea green, which clashes with your friends who are in a lovely shade of light pink. You still have a wonderful time despite that. Their unique attributes and willingness to accept you teaches you that it's okay to be you.
Shortly after you turn 28, you receive a bachelor's degree that you worked your ass off to receive. And guess what? You're a writer like you always wanted to be. I would also like to stress that this change that took place after you meet and become friendly with the cool kids in high school, but I will say that it's a long and dangeous road that you don't want to go down. This is a dark path that is full of substance abuse and heartache.
After that short-lived running yourself off the grid and almost drowning yourself in booze, you get back on the horse again. Literally, I know how much you missed riding horses once the darkness consumed you.
The time you spend away from home will force you to grow up and develop much needed life skills such as cooking, cleaning and saving money. I also wanted to tell you that, as I am typing this, I'm looking forward to getting a life of my own. I plan to get a job after the holiday season and save up to get my own place. I'm also deciding on where I want to build my life because I'm not afraid to be without someone else. Once I get settled I'm going to look into adopting a baby.
This isn't the end. The darkness won't last forever.
Love yourself!
