Suicide wasn't ever something I thought much about growing up. I heard about people who would take their life and it was saddening to me, but the reality of why and how never hit me. People would always say it was so tragic that the victim took their own life. Some would say it was a sin to take your own life. Others said it was selfish as family and friends were left to grieve. I said it was the easy way out once to my boyfriend and he fired back that it took the most balls to take your own life. It's definitely a touchy subject that nobody likes to talk about.

Wanting to kill yourself is a side effect of mental illness. It is a medical condition. People look the other way and get uncomfortable talking about depression, suicide, panic disorders, etc., but the truth is, they're real and they need to be talked about. Honestly, I have wanted to kill myself almost every day for months.

I never thought that I would ever think about suicide, but suffering from depression has changed me. It affects your mind and your mind begins to think things that wouldn't cross it normally. It's a dark place. Bad thoughts circle around and you can't get rid of them. Positive thoughts won't make it go away.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I hate myself. I don't see the girl I was. I see a person who is lifeless, who doesn't have fun, who is never truly happy; someone who hates their self and everything that makes them who they are. I can't see the bubbly, happy, carefree, social individual who always wanted to make new friends and hug all of those around me.

I believe that I am useless. I believe that I am a disappointment to everyone around me. People don't actually want to be my friend. My boyfriend doesn't really love me. I can't be in a room of people long because I think they don't want me there. Professors think I'm stupid. My body is ugly. My attitude is ugly. I am ugly and nothing worthwhile. I don't see why I should stay on the earth. It would be better without me. I want to kill myself when I am in this place. It would take the pain away.

I realize that I only want to commit suicide because of the mental illness. Regardless, it is difficult for my boyfriend, my best friend, my friends, professors and everyone around me to understand. Unless you've been there, you don't understand wanting so badly to end your life. These people in my life will never be able to understand and I never want them to. But the most important thing is that they are there for me. My sister calls me everyday to talk. I see therapists that teach me how to process and get through the illness. I have medication to lessen the anxiety and make it easier to live with depression.

I realize how difficult it is for my sister, friends and boyfriend to deal with me on a daily basis and I want to thank them. It's not easy to see someone you care about sad all of the time. It's not something everyone can be there with you through. It's always rough.

I think this is the most important reasons that suicide should be talked about more. If you have no support system throughout depression and no one checks up on you and shows you that someone out there cares, you are more likely to kill yourself. Sometimes having people there doesn't help, but it helps me. I talk to random people on the street and professors and my boyfriend and friends. They all know what I'm going through. They may not understand, like I said, but I get a lot of reassurance. Suicide is shied away from because no one wants to talk about it. No one knows what to say. What to do if someone actually tells them that they're making a plan to kill themselves. I'm saying you don't have to know what to say. Say anything. Ask about it. Listen. Hold them while they cry. Reassure them that you are their friend. Even if you don't know them well, don't ignore someone who is suicidal. You don't always know people are suicidal though. Whatever you do, do not tell them that they are a disappointment to you. Do not tell them that they're bringing you down. Do not ignore them.

Suicide is hard to talk about. It's sad that people want to end their life. But, it's something that people with mental illness deal with. Don't ignore it, don't ignore them. Talk about it, and always be there for them.