Growing up with three siblings, my parents really emphasized the importance of equality. Each child did the same number of chores, we all had the same meals (with the exception of leftover nights), any toys that were purchased were either chosen together or we each received a small toy. Sleepovers were planned as a large event where each child was allowed to have one friend over for the evening. Each child was allowed to participate in an after-school activity. And the rules of sharing were taught to be equal. What my parents never prepared me for was growing up identifying as a woman and understanding that equal does not always mean fair.
We are all very familiar with the social double standards that exist between males and females. One of the most common double standards that exists between genders, involves the one regarding sexuality. On average people are more likely to be accepting of lesbian couples than gay male couples. Heterosexual males are more likely to be praised for having multiple sexual partners, while females are more likely to be shamed for their number of sexual partners. On average heterosexual males have 6.6 sexual partners while females only have 4.3 (National Health Center for Statistics, 2015). Men are more likely to be forgiven after cheating, while females are less likely to be forgiven for cheating in a monogamous relationship. I would like to specifically focus on the double standard that exists between number of sexual partners.
The act of having sex, for a long period of time, was solely for the purpose of reproducing to create more children. But in more modern times where the population is more stable (actually rapidly growing), procreation has become a social engagement rather than a survival necessity. But why is it that females specifically are shamed for enjoying such a social activity, while men are praised? The answer to this may rely on some simple biological information. Whether we are talking about humans or animals, typically, females have fewer sexual partners because she has to be selective about the qualities or traits she wants to pass on as she has a limited number of eggs to dispense. The females need to be selective about the traits she passes on because she needs her offspring to survive in order to pass on her own traits. This selectiveness makes the egg have "value" so to speak, that males compete (in some shape or form) to attain and fertilize. On the other hand, males have excess amounts of sperm. Biologically, males are expected to procreate with as many females as possible to ensure they pass along their genetic information. This simple biological behavior may account for the differences in the number of sexual partners males and females have, but why females are shamed for their choosing to engage in more sexual activity is a societal development that should be condemned.
Somewhere along the road during our social rise to modernity, the number of sexual partners a woman has was linked to purity and who she was as a person. I agree that virginity is a very pure thing to covet, especially when we are looking through a religious perspective, but the value we give female virginity is a concept humans have come to give an overbearing social value to. Women are given value based on how many sexual partners they have had where typically the higher the number is, the less they are valued as beings. Having sex for the purpose of reproducing to make children should be a special and sacred act, at the same time having sex for pleasure should not be shamed. We should be teaching people that sex, when practiced safely, should not be a shameful matter. And we should teach young adults the importance of safe sex, and why it is important to know the risks of engaging in sexual activity at a young age, rather than shaming girls and women into their current sexuality chastity belt.
Women are the targets of advertisements that encourage us to be sexy, yet when we express our sexuality, we are ostracized. I will acknowledge that there is a way for women to be sexy and still be appropriate. However if we are going to advertise to women using sexualized materials, we should not shame women for their choices -- influenced or not. No woman should be thought less highly of for their number of sexual partners as that gives men and women alike that women are sexual commodities. Women are allowed to be expressive in anyway that pleases them: sexy, tomboy, agendered, or any combination they so choose, but a knock on their morality for their expression is something we as a society need to stop.
