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A Syrian Timeline As Told By Seinfeld Characters: Part 2

Part 2 of the Syrian War timeline, as told by the funniest legacies on television, Jerry, Elaine, George, Frank and Kramer.

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A Syrian Timeline As Told By Seinfeld Characters: Part 2

Like the media and my previous article both establish , the events and terror taking place in Syria is mortifying and excessive. Here's a continuation of the gruesome timeline of the Syrian Civil War, picking up at April 2013.

April 2013: Given the weak state Syria is in, Islamic fundamentalists take advantage and attempt to increase their influence and false teachings on the land. One of the groups, Jabhat al-Nusra, is exposed to be associated with ISIS. A Hezbollah leader, a Shi'a Islamist militant group and political party based in Lebanon, publicly announces support for Assad. A Syrian Prime Minister, Wael Nader Al-Halqi, escapes an assassination by a pin-drop. AND, while we are at it, the UN is alerted by the UK and France that Assad 'may or may not be' using chemical weapons to take out the rebels. You should probably get on confirming that, UN.

June 2013: That Hezbollah leader wasn't joking around when he said he fully supports Assad in bringing the rebels down, as he sends thousands of his men fight the rebels. The chemical weapon accusation on Assad's part is turning more into a developing theory. The UN still hasn't done anything about the chemical weapon anonymous tip, instead calls this Syrian War "the worst humanitarian disaster since the Cold War". Thank you, now can we save some lives instead of brainstorming CNN's next major headline?


August 2013: Here's some hard evidence for the UN, since they waited so long to determine the legitimacy behind the chemical weapons accusation. A Damascus suburb, known as Ghouta, is attacked by chemical weapons, specifically sarin gas, killing 1,500 residents of that town. Both Obama and the UK Prime Minister seek approval for military action. In the meanwhile, Assad leaves thousands of his people gasping for breath and fighting for their lives while recovering from the chemical attack. George says it best for Assad:


September 2013: Did someone say loophole? Russia and Syria agree to avoid US military attacks in response to the recent chemical attacks by Assad by agreeing to put Syria's use of chemical weapons under international control. Aaaaand we're back to exactly where we were in August: untamed use of chemical weapons. Don't you think 'international law' would've stopped this genocide that Assad is leading if it was as powerful as people make it sound?

December 2013: Airstrikes ordered by Assad kill over 100 people in Aleppo, a northern city. The UN is slowly uncovering evidence of war crimes taken by the Syrian government, labeling those war crimes as alerting and highly concerning. And while they weren't out in Syria shooting down every rebel or government force they see, the US and UK were helping victims of these war crimes until Islamist groups suspend their presence. As of December 31, 2014, 2.3 millions Syrians were pushed out of their homes due to the violence and fled to neighboring countries such as Jordan, Turkey, Iraq, Lebanon, and Egypt.


January 2014: Happy New Year. Ban Ki-Moon, UN Secretary-General, hosts the international New Year's party: the first round of the Geneva peace talks. Some members got to tipsy to make any progress. So we're back to square 1, except now the UN has less reliable sources to update it's Syria death toll. Well done. Good start to 2014.


May 2014: Both sides finally agree on something, and not just something, but a ceasefire. For 48 hours, both sides would halt the fighting and violence. Since there was a temporary surrender among Syrian government troops, many rebels were able to escape cities. Finally, some progress. It's only been three years!


June 2014: We still haven't jinxed it, as for the first time since the Assad's have been in power, general elections with multiple candidates are finally taking place. Some more good news, The Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons (OPCW) declared Syria a chemical weapon-free state, with all production and imports destroyed. The world is seeing some hope, and now we dance.


August 2014: Happy dance is no longer appropriate, as we totally jinxed these past two months. ISIS gains more control, it seizes an air base in Syria, and massacres over 100 government prisoners. The UN, brainstorming headlines again, says that ISIS has violated all human rights in Syria and increasing turmoil between the two sides. On an American note, James Foley, a journalist, is killed by ISIS. Worse, the whole brutal execution is recorded and distributed among all national media sites. Guess we spoke too soon about there being hope.


September 2014: Army, assemble. The US combines forced with five Arab countries to launch airstrikes against ISIS in Syria. Meanwhile, ISIS is adding itself to another nations' blacklist: the Kurds in Iraq. Earlier, they had launched a huge attack on the Syrian border Kobani. ISIS, buddy, we already have Assad on our hands, we're gonna need you to wait your turn.


December 2014: It's that time of the year again, the official death count of 2014: 76,000 Syrians. That's around 200 individual deaths per day. Some explain HOW all these countries and international organizations are involved yet this is the outcome.


February 2015: "New year, same me" - Assad. Barrel bombs are still being used to kill rebels. Assad is still denying his involvement. The US and Turkey join forces to train rebels in fighting against ISIS, since there's not one but two groups of attackers on the rebels. ISIS didn't see this threat coming; Happy New Year bitches.


August 2015: Four missiles were fired at the rebel-controlled town of Douma killing mainly women and children. Barrel bombs are used yet again by Syrian government forces in the town of Douma. Buildings collapsed and 100 people were killed.


October 2015: Egypt is on the international blacklist: Egyptian President Sisi condemns Russia's military support to Assad. Is it a coincidence that his last name is ISIS backwards? Speaking of ISIS, Jimmy Carter, former US President, admits to releasing maps showing where ISIS is located in Syria to Russian forces. Okaaaay Carter, we see you.

December 2015: Russian warplanes strike residential areas in Syria, specifically in Aleppo, killing about 20 people in an effort to "strike ISIS". Rebel leaders are targeted among Syrian and Russian forces. While many of the leaders were meeting in a building in Damascus, Russia struck the building, killing five leaders. Others at the meeting were kidnapped, with no trace of where they're currently held. At this point, the tables aren't even turning, we're just adding more tables that will be turned eventually. AKA, gotta a lot of enemies. @Drake.


And that's the Syrian War from 2013-2015. Congrats, you made it. By the end of 2016, I'm sure you'll have recovered from this plethora of information, but in the meantime, keep on watching Seinfeld.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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