I am so done with opinions.

 

All of them. Every single freaking one of the opinions floating around out there, I am so tired of them. I’m tired of your opinions, I’m tired of my opinions, I’m tired of having a brain, I’m tired of this election. Looking at Facebook makes me want to gauge my eyes out with a twig and yet somehow I just cannot look away.

 

I used to want to be a journalist because I was all, “oh I’m going to fight for the greater good! I’m going to educate people and I’m going to write the truth!”

 

Nope. Screw. It. All. I am so freaking done. Congratulations, the American public, you have officially saturated me completely with your opinions.

 

So I’m purging all of my opinions. Agree with them, don’t. I honestly don’t care. Here they are. There’s no rhyme or reason to the order. This is literally just my last op-ed for a long ass time. After this I’ll start contributing Odyssey-fluff pieces like, “I’m A Girl Who Likes To Wear Flannels And That’s Okay” or “25 Starbucks Drinks That Changed My Life.” Let’s begin.

1. High school girls need to stop parting their hair so far to the side. It looks weird as hell.

2. This isn’t an opinion, it’s a fact, but it’s been driving me crazy. The term is “would have” not “would of.” And while we’re

at it, don’t get pissed at grammar Nazis just because you couldn’t pay a lick of attention in grade school. If you are about to have a bachelor’s degree in your hands then learn to write. For the love of God, learn to write.

3. Trump is actually a giant bag of shit. No, the media isn’t portraying him like that. No, the blame doesn’t fall on “Crooked Hillary.” No, nobody cares that he donated to whatever-the-hell whenever the hell he did. The man is a gigantic, flaming sack of shit. If you want to vote for him fine. But at least own up to the fact that your candidate is a gigantic flaming sack of shit.

4. Hillary Clinton is a criminal and liar and brings out everything bad about the Democratic Party. Her pantsuits make me

physically ill.

5. Gary Johnson has taken the whole “eccentric goofy governor” bit too far. Gary, I love you. I’m voting for you. But dude. You gotta tone down the spaz a little.

6. Everyone getting worked up about Christmas on the first day of November needs to take a serious chill pill. You people are

coked out on elves and Christmas tree smells, and Michael Bublé albums and every type of Christmas crafting supply there is. Let me tell you something: that is awesome. That is super amazing. If there were an award for best things to be completely strung out you guys would win. But please, just mourn a tiny bit for Halloween. Give it until the middle of the month or something. Thanksgiving is an awesome holiday. Please just take a breather, people.

Rest assured though, I think you are an endearing populous.

7. Bloody Mary’s taste like a salty sailor’s asshole. Why does anyone drink that? This cocktail actually crawled straight

out of Satan’s bellybutton lint and dove into the category of “hangover cures.” Really? Petition to abolish the Bloody Mary.

8. Why do white girls wear t-shirts and Nike shorts/leggings every day? Doing it sometimes is fine but like why does no one take pride in his or her appearance anymore? Just a question.

9. Reverse racism isn’t a thing. Prejudice is a thing. Reverse racism isn’t a thing. So just knock it off.

10. If no one had ever brought up the issue of transgender people and bathrooms it never would have become an issue. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All right I’m done. There’s more but, for your sanity, I’m done. My dream is dead.