Domestic violence is all too prevalent in today's society. Nearly half of college women who are in a relationship report experiencing violent and abusive behaviors. Domestic violence also applies to parents who abuse their children.

Did you know a report of child abuse is made every ten seconds? Many victims of abuse try to get a restraining order, but do not follow through because the thought of being in the same room with the abuser is too much.

To acknowledge Domestic Violence Awareness Month, three women from Franklin and Marshall College have decided to take a stand and empower others through their stories (two more will be featured next week). Their words hold no regret because the violence they overcame made each woman who she is today — a strong individual. Whether you are someone currently being abused, currently abusing someone, or a bystander, these stories will show you how domestic violence shapes lives, and why it needs to end.

These are their stories.

Class of 2018, 19 years old

I met Ben when I was only sixteen. In the beginning, he always told me I was perfect, and after seven months I lost my virginity to him. It was around that time that he started wanted to control things. I was not secure enough with him to overcome his control. I didn’t think anyone would ever love me again if I left him.

The first time my friends found out he was being aggressive was on his birthday. I had a free period and lunch, maybe an hour and 15 minutes, and I said I was going to pick up food that he liked and drop it off for him at his school. I figured I could just leave the food in the office for him because that was all I realistically had time for. Ben called and I asked my friend to put him on speaker. He screamed at me: ‘You are so stupid. I cannot believe I cannot rely on you for anything. It is my mother-f***ing birthday!’ all because I was leaving the food in the office instead of waiting for him to get it. They told me to pull over and I started to cry. I remember thinking to myself that it could not be normal for me to be this upset. That afternoon I got hundreds of apologies from Ben basically saying, "I won't do that again—as long as you never upset like that again."

"I remember thinking to myself it cannot be normal for me to be this upset."

Senior year, I was stressed applying to colleges, but he didn’t understand and became very aggressive. The fall of my senior year was the first time he did anything physical to me. He chucked his phone as me from across the room during an argument. We had been having sex, and his mom was coming to pick him up. He was angry that I hadn't driven him instead so that we could finish having sex. I was vulnerable, naked and crying, having things thrown at me. He went outside and broke one of my squash rackets. That’s hard to do. You have to have a lot of anger to do that. There were times that he would grab me. I never came to school with bruises, but sometimes I had marks on my arms from his angry grabs.

The physical stuff wasn’t the worst, though. He always told me I was stupid. Every time I lost a squash match he told me I was a bad player and he called me fat. The saddest part was that I disrespected myself letting myself be at someone else’s beck and call.

"If you are with someone who you are meant to be with, that person will respect when you say no, and that you can stand up for yourself."

One night after a date, I got out of the car to go home and he told me he didn’t love me anymore. I later found out he had been cheating on me, but I still felt so attached to him. He kept trying to contact me and tell me he loved, even though he still felt we could not be together… he still tried to contact me after he started dating the girl with which he had cheated on me.

Finally, I told him to stop contacting me, and my life became drastically better. Ben had left me torn up, but I was getting better and finding myself. I finally got to a point that I was able to love myself without him loving me.

I want people to take from my story that if you are with someone who you are meant to be with, that person will respect when you say no, and that you can stand up for yourself.

Class of 2019, 18 years old

My biological father was an alcoholic and a druggie before he met my mom. When he met her, they moved to the United States together. She was pregnant with me at the time, but did not tell my dad. When he found out, he was very upset and demanded to know the sex of the child. It was a girl. He started to abuse my mom to the point where he hit her so hard, I was born premature three months, and I was in the NICU for four months. He wasn’t there when I was born and was still excessively drinking and doing drugs. A few days after I was released he claimed he was going to change, but he continued hitting my mom. When I turned one he started abusing me, too. I cannot remember the hitting from when I was one and two, but when I turned three I started seeing therapists.

One night during a big rainstorm with thunder and lightening I saw him abusing my mom. I wanted to defend my mom so I started hitting him telling him, "Leave my mom alone." He grabbed me and threw me against a wall. I woke up a few days later—a 3-year -ld with a concussion.

It went from a focus on hitting my mom to a focus on hitting me. My mom was too afraid to say anything so it just kept happening. He wanted his first child to be a boy, so I was never good enough. I still ended up visiting him in jail when my mom finally did report it.

"It went from a focus on hitting my mom to a focus on hitting me."

The last time I heard from him was when I was 7 years old. I called him because he had just gotten out of jail. It was raining and thundering. I asked what he was doing and he told me he was traveling. "I want to see you," I told him. His last words to me were “I would rather have another daughter than have you.”

I want people to know that no matter how afraid they are, they should speak up. You may think it is your fault, but it's not.

Class of 2019, 18 years old

John and I had been friends for a year before we started dating. It was never a healthy relationship because he was an alcoholic, and the long distance did not help either. John was not the nicest person, but I never thought he’d get physical with me.

There was a lot of manipulation in our relationship. When we started talking, we were just going to hook up; that was it. But he convinced me that we should date. It was never something I really wanted. When we broke up in July, I was very done with it, but he had planned to visit me and did not give up on this idea. He convinced me we could see each other just as friends. When he came home we hung out, but with our other friends there, too. Even so, the nights always ended with us fighting. Somehow I would end up sleeping at his house and having sex with him even though we’d fought. One night, I just left and drove away. He called me and said he was coming to my house unless I picked him up. I went and got him, but I told him I was taking him home and that I didn’t want to be near him. That night he tried to crash my car while I was driving. He convinced me to sleep at his house, but the next morning I told him I was done again.

"He convinced me we should date. It was never something I really wanted."

The next day, I went over to my best friend’s house and John was there. He was really drunk. We got in an argument, yelling at each other outside for awhile, then all of the sudden he punched me and tried to choke me. He took my phone and threw it somewhere and punched out a car window. After that, John would text me and purposely drive by my house and show up to places where I was. He showed up at my work and they had to throw him out.

I don’t think I really realized how bad it was up until very recently when I got to college. When I got to school I changed my number, but someone back home gave John my new number. He called me from blocked numbers and friended people from F&M on Facebook. I had to go to the Dean of my house and Public Safety for help. They were amazing. People don’t always realize how important it is to speak up. John kept me from experiencing college without even being here. One day he posted an Instagram of all of the nude photos I had sent him. I had to go to class and pretend it was okay. I went to court to get a restraining order after that happened, but I couldn’t follow through. The thought of being in a room with him just wasn’t worth it. Publically, the situation was over, but I began to realize what I had not yet dealt with internally.

"The bottom line is you cannot wait to deal with things like this. It isn’t easy, but it’s worse to push things down."

I pushed a lot away for a year and am just now having to deal with it. Two weeks ago I called the police back home and filed a report. He’s been charged with second-degree assault and has been discharged from the military.

The bottom line is you cannot wait to deal with things like this. It isn’t easy, but it’s worse to push things down. This school has been so amazing dealing with everyone. Counseling has been amazing, my Dean has been amazing, and Public Safety has been amazing. There is such a community here.

I did not plan on having to deal with all of this, but having a community around me has made such a big difference. This past relationship still is not easy to talk about, but it is important to acknowledge that it happens and accept it and go from there.