On this night that will live in infamy, since it could be the last night the United States exists as a country, you are either celebrating or you are preparing for the onslaught of World War III. If you are doing the latter, here are my top ten tips for getting through the next few years unscathed!
1. Drink
It's tasty and makes problems so much better. This particular event is going to require a lot of drinking, so my suggestion is to go cheap - Miller Lite. It's financially sustainable and will carry you over a longer period of time.
2. Shop
Shopping for fun and frivolous things always puts a smile on your face! Just make sure you are doing this within your budget. If you are not, you will have a whole new set of problems to frown about.
3. Read Hamilton
Face it. It's going to take you way more than four years to get tickets to this show, or to afford them, so you might as well read the book. Plus, the book is super long, so it will probably keep you engrossed for four years. And you can educate yourself on the wisdom of what real American leaders should look like.
4. Bunkers
Yea this is old school. But if Trump is going to make America fear Russia again, we might as well start building bunkers again. #coldwar
5. Join the Peace Corps... then rejoin
This has many benefits - you get out of the US, you will learn a new language, you will experience a new culture, and you will be doing a lot of good for people who need it. Why rejoin? A typical Peace Corps commitment is two years. You'll definitely need to re-up.
6. Light a candle for Hillary
She brings us strength. Not gonna lie, I have a picture of her taped to my work monitor. If she can persevere through everything she's been through, I can survive the passive aggressive emails of my co-workers.
7. Travel the world
It will take you far, far from here!
8. Dig a whole to China
Why not? It's pointless, time-consuming, and distracting. That's so much better than being aware of what is happening.
9. Drink more, and if that doesn't work, hit yourself on the head with the bottle
One way or the other, you'll be knocked out. And being knocked unconscious is not a bad way to get through the next few years
10. Actually hope for his success
If he succeeds, we all succeed. And if he fails, we all fail.
... God, help us all.
