I wake up and for a brief second my mind is clear. These moments are so peaceful. "I'm almost normal." I think to myself. Then the thoughts come rushing in, that all too familiar feeling inside my head. Ocd (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is not a fun quirky trait. It is a debilitating disorder, which takes A LOT of work to overcome.

"I hate this. Did I forget to do that project? Okay I have to get up now or I'll be late. One, two, three, four. *Says curse word.* Oh no I did not mean to say that. God please forgive me for saying that. You hate God. No I don't! God, please forgive me for thinking that. Okay I should really get up now or I'll be late for work. Will I ever get better? I think I'll be stuck like this forever. You always fail. You can try again but you'll end up in this same spot. Is my relationship okay? How do I feel? Checking my feelings, checking my feelings. If I feel anxiety should I end it? Stop. Stop. Stop. Why can't you be a normal person Ashton, and just relax! *Looks online at articles for reassurance; asks boyfriend countless times for reassurance.* Twelve, thirteen, fourteen. God, please forgive me. Forgive me of all my sins. You're going to hell, Ashton. There's nothing you can do. Did I turn the stove off? I'm pretty sure I did but what if I didn't? Then the house would burn down and it would be my fault. *Checks the stove.* What if my POTS illness never gets better? There's no way it will so I'm not even going to try. How will I ever have kids? Am I going to be able to handle being on my own? Am I going to let my husband down one day? Will he leave me? One, two three, four. Is my relationship okay? What if I get breast cancer because my mom had it? What if I can never have a baby? Am I useless then? Did I turn the stove off? I hate this. Did I forget to do that project? I really need to get up now or I'm going to be late for work."

This is an example of the never ending broken, skipping, tape in my head; and that's before I even get out of my bed! If your loved one or a friend or family member suffers from this illness, it will be a battle. It's exhausting for you and the sufferer. Some advice I would give, is to learn patience. We do not want to be this way. We worry about being this way, and would give anything to make it not so. We also feel a massive amount of guilt for putting you through this. Second, I would advise you to read up on material concerning OCD. Get familiar with the different types and different kinds of cognitive therapy available. There will be days where you feel like you are back to square one. Even though it feels like it, that doesn't mean you actually are back at square one. Allow yourself the freedom to stumble. Recovery is not a straight line; it is a curvy, jagged, crooked line that eventually makes it's way to being more stable again. Take a look at our heart waves, notice how they're up and down? We learn to deal with these ups and downs. If it were a straight line, that would mean we aren't truly living.

If you have struggled with OCD, or are supporting someone that does, comment below and share your thoughts and stories.