"It is natural as human beings to yearn for companionship."
My best friend has voiced this to me several times whenever I talked about relationships, loneliness, love and all that mushy gushy stuff. As a Libra (a sign that apparently is always thinking about finding the "one"), I am constantly thinking about relationships I've held in the past, ones I have currently, and ones I could hold in future.
I think about them because they happened, or could happen. They are the experiences we tend to remember the most because they impact us in a way that nothing else can. It's almost as significant as a life-or-death situation. Especially later on in life, we will choose a relationship that we will want to keep until death.
Media, Television, Books, and the people surrounding us really influence our thoughts about love and relationships. That is how we form types, preferences, guilty pleasures, and even how we act toward potential partners. As a college student, we are constantly thinking about futures, including settling down. People I've graduated with have even started settling down, and I'm only a sophomore in college. My cousins who are near the same age as me, are even starting to get arranged into marriages. My sister has been ongoing with the same partner for almost 4 years.
Where does my future lie in terms of love and relationships?
As a person who used to jump from relationship to relationship, I've learned very much in the ten months I've been single. I want to pass on the things I've learned to those who think they always need someone by their side to find happiness and survive everyday's chaos.
1.) It is always hard in the beginning.
Whether it is a breakup after a couple of months, years, or simply being rejected by a crush - you are going to feel crappy. Something that once made us feel bliss and excitement, is now gone, and causing utter pain. It's okay to feel sad, upset, angry and mad. You have all the right because you have been hurt. It's okay to feel lonely and cry and eat ice cream one day. It's a part of being human. You just have to go day by day. Just always remember that there is always a light at the end of a dark tunnel.
2.) There are other forms of love around you.
Being in a relationship is fun, adventurous, and honestly a dream come true. But remember you cannot rely on one person to give you these feelings. The world does not revolve around you and your significant other. You have love from your family, who will always love you. You have love from your friends, who will practically do anything for you. You have the love of your passions, something that could never ever let you down. Indulge in those loves that you will always have.
3.) You come before anything else. Do things for yourself!
Something I've lived by (and made up myself) since the week I became single is this.
"Step out of your comfort zone. Be spontaneous. Establish a foundation before sharing it with someone else."
I somewhat found myself in this weird limbo of feeling useless, bored, and sad. I didn't really know what came after, what to do with myself, and honestly... how to be single. Ever since my freshman year in high school, I was always dating someone. This was the first time in 4 years I was single, for good. Or well, the time being. What was I supposed to do as a single sophomore in college?
I needed to take of myself of course. I admit it - I watched romantic Korean dramas and fell asleep crying. I cried to my best friends who bought me food in return (they know the way to my heart.) I had my moments of anger where I screamed into a pillow. I skimmed through old photos of me and him, and missed the good times. I started counting the weeks until maybe, just maybe things would go back to normal.
I became angry after finally facing the fact that he was not coming back. So I used that anger as motivation. No longer was the counting for him to come back; it became how long can I be single for? With all the time wasted on someone who didn't seem to appreciate me enough, what can I do in the mean time now that I have more time for myself? How can I better myself?
In the ten months I've been single, I have done so much and have learned so much.
I started learning another language. Indulged in my passions - music and art. Landed my first internship. Made the Dean's list the past two semesters. Dyed my hair. Pierced my nose. Learned how to stand up for myself. Perfected my make-up skills. Started a singing Instagram and little Facebook singing show. Met a person (now a friend) from Korea. Applied to become an RA at school. Learned my way of studying for exams. Met some of the greatest friends because I didn't have to worry who I talked to. Bought expensive concert tickets for my favorite band. Became the membership recruitment chair for my sorority. Discovered things I never thought I would love and hate. I can go on and on.
Just know that people leave your life for reason. And I promise you, the person who is constantly day dreaming about her future husband (Jeon Jungkook, it will happen.) -
Bigger and better things are right around the corner.
Go day by day remembering this, and remembering to do things for yourself. Everything will fall into place. Hey, maybe even a new person will fall right into your plan!
Life is simply unpredictable and you just go to play the game.
