Summer is a season filled with many exciting traditions: beach days, hikes in the mountains, road trips galore… and cookouts, of course! There’s something about making and eating food outside that people can’t seem to resist in the summer months. Some things always scream “quintessential American cookout” to me, as though without them a cookout becomes merely an average social gathering. In honor of this patriotic season (in the United States, at least) I’ve decided to fuse together a spattering of barbecue essentials with some old favorites: the Founding Fathers!
Beware: Extreme cheesiness ahead. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you!)
The George Formanton Grill
A grill is an absolutely must for any summer cookout. If a cookout was a form of government, the grill would undoubtedly be the powerful, respected leader. It’s only right that the first president of the United States should represent this all-important cookout component.
Thomas Chefferson
You know what they say: a grill is only as good as grill master. (Oh, what do you mean that isn’t an old saying?) Any cookout worth attending needs at least a halfway decent chef, and who better to remind us of that than Thomas Jefferson? He spent plenty of time in Paris, so chances are that he’s got some delicious gourmet recipes up his sleeves. Bon appetit!
Aaron Burrgers
Although some people don’t technically consider Aaron Burr to be a member of the Founding Fathers, he nevertheless had an enormous influence on them (I’m looking at you, Hamilton!). Besides, everyone knows that no cookout is complete without a good burger— veggie or otherwise!
Benjamin Franks
Burgers and hot dogs can often be as polarizing as cats and dogs, apples and oranges, or even Jefferson and Hamilton. For this reason, it’s important to have both options readily available at any noteworthy cookout. Although, I’m not sure if Benjamin Franklin would be proud of our increased hot dog consumption (have you seen what are in those things?).
Alexander Hamilbuns
Of course, you can’t have burgers and hots dogs without buns to go with them. Like buns at a cookout, Hamilton was the hidden hero of the Founding Fathers: he wasn’t always in the spotlight, but the show couldn’t have gone on without him.
Clam Adams
What’s a cookout in the summer without some seafood? Just like Sam Adams was often overshadowed by his father, John, seafood is frequently forgotten while burgers, hot dogs, and other grilled essentials soak up the spotlight. So break out those lobsters and crack open those clams!
John Saladams
After all of that unhealthy (but delicious!) food, you’re going to need some salad to balance everything out. Here’s where John Adams swoops in to save the day: he might not be the most pleasant, popular, or praised Founding Father, but he’s necessary nevertheless. Whether you prefer traditional leafy green salads or the fruit variety, a cookout just wouldn’t be the same without one.
James Lemonroe
Lemonade isn’t just Beyonce’s latest stroke of brilliance: it’s also a refreshing, summery drink that is a must for any cookout. James Monroe definitely could have used a sip or two of lemonade when he was writing his Monroe Doctrine. Nothing screams “Stressed!” like avoiding violent foreign affairs.
Lawn Lay
The best cookouts happen in the great outdoors. While patios, decks, and porches are nice, there’s nothing better than a lush, green lawn to kick back in. But here’s the real question: Is the grass greener on the other side? John Jay, the United States’ first chief justice, will be the judge of that!
Games Madison
So, you’ve got your impressively green lawn— but what are you going to do with it? Why, play games on it, of course! From horse shoes and croquet to badminton and volleyball, there’s nothing like a summer cookout with some old-fashioned competition. Just ask James Madison about competition— a presidential election will surely get your blood racing!
William Whipcream
Yes, there actually was a Founding Father named William Whipple! He was a New Hampshire representative in the Continental Congress, and lucky for you he is representing DESSERT at your fabulous cookout. For ice cream, cookies, cake, and pie, William Whipple is your guy!
With the Founding Fathers by your side, there’s no way your next summer cookout will be anything but revolutionary. Of course, you might want to cook some extra food— nothing works up an appetite like building a nation!
