Everyone has heard this popular saying at one point in their life from either from their mom, teachers or anyone of authority: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It was the basic principle for most of our childhood. We were told to be nice, respect others and do unto others as we would have done unto us. We were taught from the very beginning that words form the basis of communication; we use words to express our emotions, to communicate, to spread love and to encourage others. However, words can also hurt and sometimes we don’t realize how much of what we say can effect those around us until we have uttered each and every syllable.
There’s this infamous saying that says “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I never quite understood the validity of this statement or what the person who wrote this was thinking. The pain of a slap to the face will hurt, but eventually will go away, whereas someone saying awful things to or about you can leave a permanent scar not even time can erase. Something a friend of mine said a while back has brought me to these quotes. Not because I’ve had experience with suicide, but because I couldn’t comprehend how one could speak ill of a subject they know nothing about. The way the words rolled off his tongue echoed into the room, filling the room with such silence, you could hear a pin drop.
"Suicide is dumb."
I was caught off-guard when he said that, which then quickly turned into disbelief, which then led to anger. I wanted to believe that he did not mean to spew such vile from his mouth, but another part of me felt convinced that he did; I felt all the emotions I was feeling flooding into my veins, getting me worked up. I didn’t know what to say or how to say what I wanted to in that moment, but now I feel like I have the chance.
Suicide is not dumb and this is my explanation as to why. If you have not lived that person’s life or experienced that person’s pain, you cannot go up to them and say committing suicide is dumb. If there is one thing that I’ve learned in all my years on Earth, it is that you cannot compare your own kind of pain to someone else’s pain.
There is no direct cause for suicide as it can be linked to many factors, but according to Healthline, people are more than likely to take their life if they have a mental health disorder, such as schizophrenia, depression or bipolar disorder. Although depression still remains the "top" risk factor, there is no underlying cause for suicide. Some people who suffer from depression are sometimes able to get back to their life after months of therapy, and continue to manage it through medication. For others, it can be more challenging and the pain can be more than expected. It can be the kind of pain that prevents them from sleeping at night. The kind of pain that hurts so much they can’t even breathe. The kind of pain that is so unbearable and so excruciating, they begin to believe that committing suicide will be the only thing to put them out of their misery. That’s how they feel. To equate your level of “pain” with someone who has attempted to suicide is basically telling them to “suck it up” and that “life sucks for everyone.” You don’t get to interject your own conjecture on an issue that many people have little regards for. It is irrelevant.
For people who are struggling with depression or are suicidal, they see suicide as the only way to relieve themselves of their pain because they are so overwhelmed with sadness. We don't know how or what they are feeling, so we can’t even begin to understand what goes through their minds day in and day out. Saying to someone that what they are doing is dumb is equivalent to you behaving as a bully, backing them into a corner.
You think you are doing them a favor when you are actually intimidating and abusing them with your words. You feel as if you have to impose your feelings on them in order to change their minds. You are already condemning them based on your own ignorance, and now you expect them to see it from your uneducated point of view. By doing so, you are proceeding to make them feel guilty and sending them back to a place of darkness and self-harm. I get that everyone is entitled to their opinion in this world, but when you are insulting another human being because of something they have no control over, it becomes infuriating.
They don’t want your opinion.
What they need is for someone to care about them, someone to say “If you do this, I can’t live without you,” someone to say that they are here for them, someone to tell them that their life will not be the same without said person, someone to tell them they are not a waste of space. What they don’t need is your judgement, condemnation or criticism about how they choose to handle their life simply because you are ignorant about mental health. Doing this will only result in pushing them further away from the help they need in order to heal.
By making insensitive comments such as the one this article is based around, we continue to belittle and trivialize suicide even more, which is not helping the stigma surrounding mental health. As of right now suicide is the 10th leading cause of the death in the U.S. of all ages and nearly ever year, more than 40,000 people die from suicide in the U.S. What's difficult to comprehend is that each of these deaths could have prevented if a close friend or family member spoke up. If they knew more about their loved ones' internal struggles, they would have sought help for them before it was too late. It's not too late now to take the time to learn not just about suicide, but mental health overall. The stigmas and the preconceived notions can only end by educating ourselves about mental health instead of dismissing it.
Our mental health is just as important as our physical health, seeing that many people are screaming for help internally, but can’t bring themselves to externally because they fear judgement. When we educate ourselves about certain issues, we become more knowledgeable, more aware and more considerate about what we say and do. I encourage everyone to take the time to just stop and think before you speak because you never know what the person sitting next to you might be going through.
For more information about mental health and suicide, please visit:
If you would like to know more about suicide prevention or know someone who has struggled with suicide, please visit:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
National Suicide Prevention Life Line
Call them at 1-800-273-8255. Available 24/7
