For a very long time, I was silent. I took part in family outings, hung out with my friends and laughed a lot but how I never revealed how I was truly feeling. For years, I felt broken. I believed I was incapable of love. I would cry myself to sleep without anyone hearing a sound. I laughed, smiled, and had the time of my life but inside I was crumbling to pieces. I never reached out for help that I now realize I desperately needed. I felt weak and pathetic. My life wasn’t difficult. I didn’t have a reason to be depressed.
I harmed myself in more ways than I can count but the biggest way was not giving myself the love I deserved. When I stopped believing in love, I could no longer find it, in my friends, in my family or in myself. I internalized this and started a self-loathing process that went on longer than it should have. I convinced myself nobody cared, didn't have time for my issues and therefore stayed silent. I realize now that my silence caused me even more suffering.
Mental illness doesn’t need a reason. I’ve learned that now. Regardless of what mental illness you suffer from, it does not define you. It is one factor that makes up the rest of who you are. Suffering from something so serious but so invisible is hard. There is a stigma around mental illness that labels patients’ as weak. But you are strong. You are a fighter. You are brave. You are you. And I know you are imperfectly perfect. Silence does not make your illness go away. It does not cover it up or make life easier. In fact, it makes matters worse. Your mental health is just as important as your physical heath and you wouldn't ignore a broken arm. Don't let the stigma around mental health scare you away from the help you need. There are bravery and strength in finding your voice and asking for help.
As the end of May approaches, so does the end of Mental Health Awareness Month. I urge you to reach out if you need help. There are hotlines, websites, shelters and so many people out there willing to help you. You can remain anonymous if you wish to but if you need help, please seek it out. If you are concerned about someone, reach out to them. Hand them the first stepping stone in getting help. I ask that if you are suffering, please do not do so in silence. There is no need to suffer alone. My life drastically improved and my depression lessened when I spoke up about how I was feeling. When I reached out, I found the love I had been denying myself.
There are tools and resources available to you. There are friends and family members who care about you. There are even strangers, maybe I'm one of them, who you will come across who will want you to get help. You are worthy of love. You deserve the sunshine, laughter, dog kisses, ice cream and so much more. You deserve happiness. Your suffering matters. Your health is important. Surround yourself with people who want you to succeed; who want to hear your voice. Find people who lift you higher because your life is worth living. Find your voice so you can be loud and be proud.
