Don’t get me wrong, studying abroad is an amazing experience. But what happens when you’re across the world, and can’t seem to figure out why you’re not having the picture-perfect experience? Yeah, they’ll give you lectures on the culture shock, but this wasn’t culture shock.
Last fall, in 2015, I decided to go abroad for a semester in London because I was getting so bored at school and I wanted to experience something new. Everything I read about studying abroad was amazing. I couldn’t have been more excited to head to a new place and have a new experience.
But no one ever said anything about how hard it would be to adjust to this new “normal,” this new life I would make over the next three months, with strangers I knew nothing about, in a place I didn’t know. It took me about three hours after I got to my dorm to realize I couldn’t do this. I’d only had one meal there, and I felt like it would be a lifetime until I was back home.
It's hard enough to be away from family and friends, but the fact that I just got into a fairly new relationship was hard, considering the fact I spent the entirety of the previous summer with him.
During the first month, I was a wreck. I missed my family, my friends, my school (maybe), my boyfriend and the sky (I know, that one's strange, but because of all of the light pollution and clouds, the stars were impossible to see).
I began to have a serious case of F.O.M.O. (fear of missing out). That dragged me down for a couple of weeks, fearing that I was missing the things I'd taken for granted. I would have anxiety attacks about being abroad and alone, and that kept me locked in my room because I didn’t want anyone to see me like that.
It took a while, but I finally created some normal routine that helped me establish that I had a life here, and the more I did, the more I could experience, and then soon enough, I’d be on my way home.
Although, I now have a different meaning of the word "home." Home is not a physical place. It's what you create in the people and places you see. I have a home in Connecticut in my hometown, and at Eastern. I have a home in London, and as cliché as it sounds, a piece of me will “always be there.”
While abroad, I met some wonderful people who unknowingly helped me break out of my anxiety-ridden bed and experience what the city had to offer me. I couldn’t have had the time of my life without them, and I thank them incredibly for their continued friendship to this day.
I decided to share this because, as I was going through my abroad experience, I realized that no one has ever (publicly) talked about this aspect of study abroad. It’s scary.
It is so scary, especially being on your own in a huge city across the world. I am in no way saying study abroad was the worst thing ever, but I’m not saying it was the best thing ever, either, and that’s OK.
Studying abroad was one of the most eye-opening, amazing experiences of my life, in both positive and negative ways; But if there’s someone else out there who went through a similar thing, or is going through a similar thing right now, you are NOT the only one, and it's perfectly OK to feel depressed, anxious, sad, etc.
My advice to you: Do amazing things. Push yourself to do so. Just do it.
And if you're thinking about studying abroad, this is my message to you: Do it. Absolutely. One hundred percent. You will discover so much about yourself and the world. Take that giant step, because you may regret it if you don’t.
A question I get asked a lot after telling people about my experience is if I would do it again the same way. My answer? Absolutely.
