I’m at the age where there’s an undeniable pressure to settle down. As one of my college professors said my freshman year, “College is a marriage market,” and students are acting as if there is a black Friday special on relationships. Much like the $2 DVD bin at WalMart, people don’t care what they grab. It could be an unrated version of “American Pie” or it could be an unwanted version of the “The Notebook” that will eventually be re-gifted. People don’t care if they relate to what is in their hands. They don’t even care if they like it. All they care about is that they have it. That’s kind of how my college career has been: people dating people, hoping that this person is the person. But why?
1. Fairytales
Since I was a kid, I always thought that there this must be a feeling when you meet someone you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with. You look in their eyes and think, “Yeah, I could see myself meeting their parents.” “Yeah, I could myself traveling the world with them.” “Yeah, I could myself curled up next to them while our kids are asleep.” For one reason or another, the person would feel the same way. We’ve been taught that, one day, we’ll just know. So we chase a feeling we’ve never felt, hoping to create what we believe it must feel like. The “Fairytale Effect” only lasts for so long. Eventually, the clock has to strike midnight and you have to see the person for who he or she really is— the good and the bad.
2. Our parents
Maybe this was the fairytale you were influenced by; parents that were high school sweethearts who, after spending all of their teenage years with one another, were still drunk with unconditional love. We then compare any and every relationship to that of our parents, not realizing that they have their own internal issues. I’ve seen a lot of friends emulate this exact process. They want the love that their parents have, but when it comes time to put in work, to argue, to reconcile, to resolve the situation, they flee. To them, love should be as easy as it’s looked to them. On the other end of the spectrum, there’s the want to have what is unfamiliar to us. I was raised by a single parent. I saw the struggle, and I promised I would never let myself or my future spawn endure the same thing. Sometimes, that blew up in my face. I’d stay with partners who drained my energy and never matched it; who would lay the blame on me; who made me feel like a bad person. For a while, I thought I was. We’re at an age where the majority of us set the bar too high, hoping that first time is the only time. Or, we’re desperate to call someone our own, even if they suck.
3. The Instagram Couple
We all know a couple like this: you feel like you’re in the damn relationship because you see updates of it every 5 seconds. People lovvvveeeeee being praised. Their instagrams consist of perfectly filtered photos of one another. Every date night, car ride, bouquet of flowers, and piece of jewelry is cataloged on a public database. Every Facebook status tells a story of how they had the most perfect day, with the most perfect people, doing perfect people things because—guess what—they’re perfect. I’ve sat and crept through people’s pictures and thought, “Damn. That must be nice.” or, “They look so happy together.” I don’t want to say people date strictly for the idea of likes, favorites, or retweets, but it’s definitely an incentive. I’m learning that just because people look good together doesn’t mean they have it all together.
The bottom line? The grass always looks greener on the side that promises hand-holding, forehead kisses, and cuddling. Before you take a running leap to the other side, explore who you are as a person. Go travel. Get your education. Have a meltdown or twelve. Live by one of the rules my mom always told me: Don’t take what you can get. Get what you deserve.
