"I don't know why girls keep crying rape," I overhead my guest say as I was cleaning a nearby table. "It's not rape if you don't tell people about it right away. She must just be trying to get her boyfriend in trouble." Now, as a waitress in a college town, I overhear a lot of stupid things. But, this particular conversation stuck in my head.
Later on in the week, my class began a discussion about the infantilization of the modern college-age society. We focused on rape culture, triggers, and "safe rooms," discussing how by using these things we are coddling women who should instead be taught to push past hard situations.
Early Friday morning, Brock Turner (who has been convicted of sexual assault) was released from his already-lenient sentence on "good behavior." A young man who had violently raped an unconscious girl behind a dumpster had been set free.
I was trying to figure out why this week I felt inundated with rape culture references and examples, but then I realized, this is every week. Our society is finally placing rape issues in the spotlight, but, instead of making a difference (especially in the case of Brock Turner), we are just talking about it. A lot. We are giving women "safe spaces" filled with puppies and play-doh, but we aren't giving them a world with less rapists.
Let's go back to the first conversation I heard: "It's not rape if you don't tell people about it right away." This mindset is a direct product of the definition of rape being skewed. With all of the chatter and confusion, actual rape cases get overlooked by girls crying wolf. We need to understand the true meaning of trauma and demonstrate to wounded girls that it's worth having their voice heard.
Thanks to all of the media attention and the term "rape culture" being coined, women feel like something is being done. But unfortunately, bringing something to the attention of society does not mean that there will be progress. In 2015, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 5 women in the US were raped and 1 in 71 were raped by their significant other. These statistics aren't changing, we just hear more about them.
As women, we need more than safe spaces and trigger warnings. We need a country where rapists don't get off on good behavior so that their college experience won't be ruined. We need to stop teaching girls not to get raped, but teaching men not to rape. We need to stop victim blaming and asking "What were you drinking?" and "What were you wearing?"
Stop talking about it. Start doing something.
