Stop Getting Played: Learn How To Protect Your Feelings

Stop Getting Played: Learn How To Protect Your Feelings

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Over time, you meet plenty of different people, and after spending a good amount of time with them, you start to develop feelings for him or her. Catching feelings for someone is so scary because you never know if the other person feels the same way unless they tell/show you how they feel, and depending on you and your beaus Love Language, these feelings can be shown in many different ways. I used to think it was okay to express how you feel to the person you're giving all your attention to, but I have recently had a change of heart. Now I believe as females, we should try to protect our feelings and our hearts as much as possible. So I'm going to tell you 3 ways to protect your feelings from getting hurt and played with.

1. Don't have sex without a commitment.

Unless the two of you have agreed that you two are just friends who have occasional sex, stop it. It's harder for women to separate their feelings from sex while men can hit it and quit it with no remorse, and this is the easiest way for a woman to get her feelings hurt because it becomes complicated when you two haven't established what the relationship is. I feel like nowadays, guys treat sex like it's just another cup of coffee, so before you give it up to him make sure you're somebody special in his life, go on a couple dates first, meet his friends or family. By holding off before giving it up, you're protecting your feelings and making sure you're something more to him than just sex.

2. He should want you more than you want him.

I have always heard that a girl should always date a guy who likes her more than she likes him. A guy who will cancel his plans to spend time with her, one who actually makes time for her, makes her feel safe, will be her protector and one who wants to take her out on dates and shower her with attention. If you like a guy more, then you will suffer more. You will get used and played because he knows you like him so much that no matter what he does, you're going to stick around. So to protect your heart, date a guy who likes you much more than you like him. It will be much easier to let go if or when he breaks your heart or hurts your feelings.

3. Have the "what are we?" conversation.

I personally have always refused to have this conversation out of fear that I will be rejected. Don't be like me, have this conversation. The "what are we" conversation can stop you from getting your feelings hurt because you and your beau would have established what the relationship is. You will know if it's just sex, if y'all are working towards becoming more than friends, or if you two want to start the relationship right then and there. This conversation makes what was complicated now uncomplicated, and it will also save you a lot of time that could've been wasted, a lot of tears, and it will stop your feelings from being hurt in the long run.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.


We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

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