Talking about your diet or losing weight is a sensitive conversation for a lot of people because it takes a lot of courage to not only explain that your diet is disordered, but also admit that something is not working. Dieting can cause tempers to flare up as we try to prove our diets are healthy and others’ diets unhealthy. Asking for diet advice leads to conflicting advice about the healthiness of multiple food groups—fat, carbs, dairy, gluten, and meat to name a few. I will defend my diet when someone such brags about not eating x food group such as vegans and how eating it will make you fat.

I do not bring it up often, but I used to weigh a lot more than I do currently. However, I have successfully lost weight by counting calories, which allowed me to eat what I wanted, provided it was within my calorie limit. I did not demonize entire food groups and was still able to eat foods that I loved just less of them. I cannot help but get annoyed when people attempt to diminish my weight loss with comments such as “You will gain all your weight back because of x food group or x amount of meals you eat.”

Losing weight was a big step towards becoming healthier for me and for you to tell me that I will gain it back assumes that I do not care about my health. You also assume that I am incapable of maintaining my progress, but I have kept the weight that I have lost off for 2 years now. I also believe that people tell me that I will gain all the weight back because they feel that my progress is a reflection on their failure to lose weight. They tell themselves that I will fail, so they do not have to acknowledge that they have a problem, and want to pull me down to their level. Maybe instead of telling someone who put in the time to count calories, eat healthier, and exercise about failing, swallow your pride and say congratulations.

I cannot stand when I have to justify my diet plan as normal especially around vegans that think restricting calories and eating animal products are bad. Newsflash, there is plenty of junk such as Oreos you can eat on a vegan diet that can cause weight gain. Abstaining from animal products is not the reason you are losing weight, it is because you are eating fewer calories than you burn off. I do not have an eating disorder because I count calories or because I eat 1 or 2 meals a day. You are the one with the problem because you think cutting out all animal products is a panacea to weight troubles. Stop telling me to go vegan because it’s so much healthier when you eat a ton of soy products and processed vegan foods. I have seen results from calorie counting, and most importantly I do not binge on “forbidden” foods.

If you want to have a conversation about diets, listen to each other’s diets before jumping to conclusions about eating disorders or inevitable failure. Although you may not adopt the other person’s diet after the conversation, you should realize people eat a certain way because it works for them. Lastly, everyone needs to realize that it is not what you eat that makes you lose weight, it is how much you eat.