Alright friends, I know y'all are just in stiches waiting for my update. Well as you probably guessed from my lack of pregnancy post, round one was not successful. But whew, what a journey it was. So, before I begin with my rant, let me start by bragging on my amazing team… Seriously, I cannot say enough amazing things about the doctors and nurses that I have worked with over the past several months. Hashtag love my team!!

IVF is no joke! It takes everything out of you. It is the most exhausting experience I have ever had. I was drained, emotionally and physically drained!

So, let's get into it, my retrieval was August 13^th. I only got 7 eggs. This was a little disappointing, but it only takes one right??? RIGHT!?? All 7 were fertilized and I ended up with 4 that made it to blasts. In other words…I have 4 potential babies. IT ONLY TAKES ONE! (she reminds herself). August 18^th was my transfer date. August 18^th, the day I am going to become pregnant… y'all, the emotions are high.

So everything goes great, in the doctor's words, it was a "perfect transfer". To her credit, it was. 10 days later I went in for a beta pregnancy test… and YAY it was positive!! This should have been great news, but my HGC levels were super low… like half of what they should be. So basically, "your pregnant but don't be too excited because it might not stick." YAY??? Once again, we are stuck in complete limbo. So, they test me 2 days later, and we are we are at 197, all things are looking up. We tell our parents they will be grandparents, because they have been with us this entire journey and we really think (hope) they will be. At 5 ½ weeks they want to do an early ultrasound because levels were so low in the beginning. Let me say, everyone was positive about the number and just saw this a "protocol" ………...………. (yes, that's a lot of dots). Well, turns out, this "protocol" showed that I was in fact, losing my first pregnancy, after 4 years of trying.

I lost my baby. I lost my baby that I planned a future for. I lost my baby have prayed for every day for over 4 years. I lost my miracle baby.

I was sad, I was confused, I was angry! No, I was PISSED! And all of the "whys" started. Why is this happening to us? Why is this so easy for other people? Why can't it be our turn??? If I said these questions don't still creep into my mind every now and then I would be lying. It's hard, and it definitely takes a certain strength that comes from a place that does not exist before you go through this. I write all of this to say, if you have a friend struggling with infertility, be kind to her, be there for her, love her, and just listen to her. Because like I have said before INFERTILITY SUCKS!!!!

Say a prayer for your struggling sisters! I don't know what my future holds, but I know one way or another, it does include a child. Thank you all for the support and a special shout out to my family and friends that have to listen to my rants on the daily! I am truly blessed with the support system that I have!

UPDATE:

My second transfer was on December 16, 2020. I was terrified, I had convinced myself of the worst because up until this point, the worst is all I had experienced. On Christmas, I gave in a took a home pregnancy…and IT WAS POSITIVE! I was cautiously optimistic. I have been here before, I have been pregnant before, so I wouldn't let myself get too excited. When we got our first HGC levels I was beyond excited, my levels were 369. When we retested two days later, 1289! My levels were perfect, I was pregnant. I could not believe it!! At 7 weeks we went in for that dreaded first ultrasound. I was a wreck. This was where it all fell apart last time. I will never forget hearing that heartbeat for the first time, it was the most beautiful sound in the world. I'm not saying I wasn't nervous for every doctor's appointment and I am not saying infertility isn't something that still haunts me, but I am saying that if you want something do not give up on it. My little miracle was born on August 28, 2021. Hearing that first cry and seeing that beautiful face for the first time made every heartbreak and every tear worth it. Thank you for everyone that has followed our journey and if anyone is still in their journey, don't give up!