Its been three years since the worst of it. Three years since I decided life was not worth living anymore. Since then its been three years of hard work, good days, bad days, and days where I didn't feel a thing. But It was also three years of growth. Becoming who I am meant to be has been a long process and I still have a long way to go. I want to be able to tell you that I no longer struggle. I want to tell you that my mental illness has gone away.

But the truth is i can't. I still have bad days, that may never go away. My depression and anxiety still enjoy rearing their ugly heads and wreaking havoc on my mind. I still lay awake some nights praying for the warmth of the morning light. Somedays are so dark I forget the progress I have made and slide back into hold habits.

The truth is I don't believe a time will come when I don't have bad days. I firmly believe they are just a a part of my life. Sometimes you cannot control that there is darkness in you and that is okay. Because the truth is I am still here and I am still me. I know that life is worth living and even when I forget I have people who have no problem reminding me.

I could have ended it all three years ago. I could have hung up the phone and let my mental illness win. But I didn't. I stayed. I fought. And I don't plan on stopping just because of the bad days. Instead I learn from them. Each time I feel depressions choke begin to tighten I remind myself of how far I have truly come. College wasn't even an option three years ago but here I am. A junior, in a major I thrive in, involved with what I love, and surrounded by the most supportive people.

Despite who I was three years ago, I have lived. So yeah, I still struggle. Somedays getting out of bed is the hardest thing, but I do it anyway. I live in spite of everything. It is not always easy and that is okay. Its okay to need to go back to therapy or try medication again. You are not your set backs, you are how you handle them.

Which is why I beg you to never stop trying. Never stop growing, and learning new ways to deal with the monsters in your head. If I can drag myself out of the dark hole so can you. The truth is that we all struggle and it's time we started admitted to ourselves that it is okay.