Starting A War: The Trojan Experience

Starting A War: The Trojan Experience

A complete guide to destroying a city, for no good reason.
67
views

Have you ever wished to set a town ablaze? Ever wondered what amount of damage you could inflict on an innocent group of people that never did you any harm? Did you stop yourself from realizing your wishes because people would call you a “pyromaniac, who’s in need of professional help”?

If so, you’ve stumbled upon the right article! Here you’ll learn the proper way of instigating a conflict between your native town and the surrounding congregation of barbarians- that place your mother calls a “neighboring city”.

To start a feud, of proportions nearing that of the Trojan War, one must first create a stable connection with the Gods of Olympus. It is well known that the Olympian Gods are often searching for entertainment to give meaning to their eternal lives. Thus making them the perfect spectators for human drama.

If you don’t know which God to contact, I’d suggest calling Eris- the Goddess of Discord- who would be more than merry to aid you in starting a conflict. She’s quite skilled at initiating battles, as she was the one who sparked the feud that resulted in the destruction of Troy. Eris had been forbidden from attending a wedding, as she was known to be rather disagreeable. This prompted her to engrave an apple with the words “to the fairest” and throw it amongst the guests at the wedding party. The Goddesses- Hera, Athena and Aphrodite- then fought for the ownership of the apple, each claiming that the message that been individually directed at them. This then marked the beginning of a beauty-pageant-like quarrel amongst the three Goddesses.

Once you’ve contacted Eris and she has sparked a fight amongst the Gods for you, make sure to find a human who is naïve enough to meddle in a dispute amongst unearthly beings. When Hera, Athena and Aphrodite were attempting to decide who was “the fairest of them all” they asked Paris- a naïve human being- to choose the prettiest. Each of the Goddesses tried to bribe Paris by offering him incredible retribution, as an attempt to steer his decision in their own favor. Hera offered him the Asian continent; Athena offered him wisdom in battle and Aphrodite offered him the most beautiful woman in the world. Being a young man, driven by uncontrollable hormones, Paris chose Aphrodite-just so he could be wedded to the prettiest woman alive. This, evidently, angered the other two Goddesses. Stupid Paris, couldn’t he see this coming?

In any case, once you’ve successfully pissed off three Goddesses make sure to involve a beautiful human woman, with a complicated life, in the mix. That ought to escalate things. For instance, Paris had been promised to be wedded to the most beautiful woman alive, however, this woman also happened to be already married. Oops? Helen, Paris’ promised bride, was wedded to Menelaus, king of Sparta and many other man had apparently attempted to marry her before. Once Paris decided to run off with Helen all hell broke loose. Her husband was certainly not pleased and immediately requested that his brother, Agamemnon, declare war on Paris’ hometown- Troy. This war then lasted for ten years and eventually resulted in Troy’s destruction.

This then serves as the perfect guide to starting a war of massive proportions for reasons that are rather insignificant. If you carefully follow the tips provided to here you also will be able to destroy an entire city in just ten years! Good luck!

Cover Image Credit: nytimes

Popular Right Now

25 Baseball Puns Every Fan Should Know

You're sure to be a big hit with these in your glove.
70020
views

You’re sure to have a ball with these puns! They will leave you in stitches!

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. I’m an umpire. Now give me your number so I can make the call!

3. Why did the police officer go to the baseball game?... Someone stole second base!

4. Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball?... She had a pumpkin for a coach!

5. Ok, strike that.

6. Cinderella was so bad… she was eventually kicked off the baseball team for running away from the ball.

7. Which animal is best at baseball?... The bat!

8. The reason baseball games are at night is because bats sleep during the day!

9. Keep calm… I’m an outfielder. I’ll catch you!

10. Which baseball player holds water?... The pitcher!

11. I think I glove you!

12. What did the baseball glove say to the ball?... “Catch ya later!”

13. If you sing while playing baseball you may not get a good pitch.

14. Why don’t baseball players join unions?... Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes!

15. Never hit the ump… The Umpire Strikes Back.

16. Are you in the on deck circle? Because you’re up next (to date me)!

17. Why is it always so windy at Candlestick Park?... Because of all the Giant Fans!

18. Your pitch must have hit me because I’m feeling a little faint!

19. I hope you’re a good catcher because I’m starting to fall for you.

20. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?... Forget it. It’s way over your head.

21. Baseball players who get three strikes. They deserve a shout “out”!

22. I’m falling in glove with you!

23. What’s the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder?... One catches drops and the other drops catches.

24. Are you in the outfield? Because you’re an angel!

25. I like baseball so much more than football. It’s just a batter game!

Well, there you have ‘em baseball fans… With these puns in your glove, you’re sure to be a big hit! Maybe you’ll score a home run!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Andy Ruiz Jr. May Not Look Like The Typical Boxer, But It Doesn't Make His Victory Any Less Deserved

Andy Ruiz Jr. just proved that dreams can come true.

654
views

On June 1, boxing fans witnessed something special as Andy 'Destroyer' Ruiz Jr. defeated Anthony Joshua via TKO after going seven rounds in the ring at Madison Square Garden in New York City to become the first ever Mexican-American heavyweight champion of the world. Ruiz Jr. (33-1) was a heavy underdog (+1100) heading into the match-up with Joshua (22-1) but ultimately flipped the script to hand the British fighter his first professional loss ever. Surely the fight will go down as one of the greatest moments in sports history.

Some members of the media and fans have been quick to label the fight as a 'fluke' and 'rigged' which in the end is no surprise to me. That always happens in the sports world. Many did not believe we would get this result yet failed to remember the one rule of sports -- expect the unexpected. Over the past week, I've been coming to the defense of Ruiz Jr. in the wake of others choosing to call him a joke.

I was shocked and surprised to hear two of my favorite sports analysts, Stephen A. Smith and Shannon Sharpe, make fun of Ruiz Jr. and frame him as just a guy that looked like 'Butterbean.' When I viewed their tweets on social media it honestly made me upset. Sure, Ruiz Jr. may not have fit the mold of what a professional boxer should look like, but they simply should not have just judged a book by its cover.

Personally, I thought it was disrespectful for Smith and Sharpe to throw shade at Ruiz Jr. in the way they did. I felt like they should have done a better job of acknowledging the winner considering the result of the match. Yet choosing to bash someone because of their physical composition appeared like a low blow. The very foundation of sports allows people of all shapes, sizes, genders, races, and backgrounds to compete -- that's why most people follow them in the first place.

Smith was open behind his reasoning for his tweets in which I'd like to shed some light on. Smith was upset about how boxing time after time contains elements of corruption with fans having to wait years until promoters schedule big fights. He along with other followers of the sport were looking forward to the highly anticipated yet potential future match-up between Joshua and fellow heavyweight Deontay Wilder. Smith believes that by Ruiz Jr. beating Joshua it essentially diminished the chances of that fight ever happening with the same amount of buildup, but that still doesn't provide any excuse for mocking the new heavyweight champ.

Ruiz Jr. was there for a reason and ultimately seized the opportunity that was right in front of him -- that's not his fault for getting the job done. Just because someone doesn't look like the part doesn't mean they don't possess the same qualities and characteristics as their counterparts. The following pair of videos display the amount of talent Ruiz Jr. does have in the ring. Even fellow boxer Canelo Alvarez and former UFC lightweight/featherweight champion Conor McGregor acknowledge that and have come out to say something on their behalf.

Unfortunately, I don't expect much to change because most will stand their ground and continue to behave the same way. All I'm saying is I did not enjoy some of the top figures within sports media stereotyping Ruiz Jr. based on his looks. I would think that we would be better than that and recognize that anyone can accomplish something great in this world. It all just starts with a simple dream.

I understand and respect other people's takes on this subject, maybe I'm looking into things deeper than what they are, but it struck a chord with me and I felt the need to say something about it.

Related Content

Facebook Comments