Starting A War: The Trojan Experience

Starting A War: The Trojan Experience

A complete guide to destroying a city, for no good reason.
67
views

Have you ever wished to set a town ablaze? Ever wondered what amount of damage you could inflict on an innocent group of people that never did you any harm? Did you stop yourself from realizing your wishes because people would call you a “pyromaniac, who’s in need of professional help”?

If so, you’ve stumbled upon the right article! Here you’ll learn the proper way of instigating a conflict between your native town and the surrounding congregation of barbarians- that place your mother calls a “neighboring city”.

To start a feud, of proportions nearing that of the Trojan War, one must first create a stable connection with the Gods of Olympus. It is well known that the Olympian Gods are often searching for entertainment to give meaning to their eternal lives. Thus making them the perfect spectators for human drama.

If you don’t know which God to contact, I’d suggest calling Eris- the Goddess of Discord- who would be more than merry to aid you in starting a conflict. She’s quite skilled at initiating battles, as she was the one who sparked the feud that resulted in the destruction of Troy. Eris had been forbidden from attending a wedding, as she was known to be rather disagreeable. This prompted her to engrave an apple with the words “to the fairest” and throw it amongst the guests at the wedding party. The Goddesses- Hera, Athena and Aphrodite- then fought for the ownership of the apple, each claiming that the message that been individually directed at them. This then marked the beginning of a beauty-pageant-like quarrel amongst the three Goddesses.

Once you’ve contacted Eris and she has sparked a fight amongst the Gods for you, make sure to find a human who is naïve enough to meddle in a dispute amongst unearthly beings. When Hera, Athena and Aphrodite were attempting to decide who was “the fairest of them all” they asked Paris- a naïve human being- to choose the prettiest. Each of the Goddesses tried to bribe Paris by offering him incredible retribution, as an attempt to steer his decision in their own favor. Hera offered him the Asian continent; Athena offered him wisdom in battle and Aphrodite offered him the most beautiful woman in the world. Being a young man, driven by uncontrollable hormones, Paris chose Aphrodite-just so he could be wedded to the prettiest woman alive. This, evidently, angered the other two Goddesses. Stupid Paris, couldn’t he see this coming?

In any case, once you’ve successfully pissed off three Goddesses make sure to involve a beautiful human woman, with a complicated life, in the mix. That ought to escalate things. For instance, Paris had been promised to be wedded to the most beautiful woman alive, however, this woman also happened to be already married. Oops? Helen, Paris’ promised bride, was wedded to Menelaus, king of Sparta and many other man had apparently attempted to marry her before. Once Paris decided to run off with Helen all hell broke loose. Her husband was certainly not pleased and immediately requested that his brother, Agamemnon, declare war on Paris’ hometown- Troy. This war then lasted for ten years and eventually resulted in Troy’s destruction.

This then serves as the perfect guide to starting a war of massive proportions for reasons that are rather insignificant. If you carefully follow the tips provided to here you also will be able to destroy an entire city in just ten years! Good luck!

Cover Image Credit: nytimes

Popular Right Now

Everything The Student Athlete Loses When They Move On From Sports

Enjoy it while it lasts.

169578
views

We used to call it "flipping the switch." You would go through eight hours of school (somehow) and then your mentality would automatically change. The worries and stress from the school day would dwindle as you put on your cleats and begin to warm up. Anything that was going on in your life didn't matter when you hit the dirt. You create lifelong friendships with the girls you spent every day with for months at a time. Teammates who see you susceptible after a bad game and on cloud nine after one of your bests.

You develop a routine and superstitions. Hitting your bat on the inside of your cleat before you hit, chewing a certain type of gum on the volleyball court, how many times you spin the ball before you shoot a free throw, whatever your quirk was, you 100% believed it would make you play better. You practice in your free time with your dad, devote three to five months of your school year to a team, and play all summer long with your travel team as you live off hotel breakfast. Then one day, it's all over.

It is a feeling that nobody can prepare you for. They say enjoy it while it lasts but you never really understand what you'll be walking away from when you play your last game and hang it up for good. You lose a part of yourself when you're no longer an athlete. I forgot what it feels like to be competitive and be a part of something that is bigger than myself. It has been two years since I've played my last softball game and not a day goes by when I don't miss it. I didn't play because I wanted to go pro or even to the collegiate level, but I played because it was an escape and helped me become who I am.

You begin to forget what it felt like to hit the sweet spot on a bat, what it sounded like to have an audience cheer for you as you stand alone on second base and see your family in the stands, to hear the metal spikes of your cleats on concrete when walking in the dugout. It's simple things about the game you love that brought you pure joy and an escape from the world and the thoughts in your head. Batting practice was always mine. Focusing on nothing but the next pitch and how hard I could hit it.

When you have to watch the game from the other side of the fence, you realize how much pressure you put on yourself when you played. It's just a game. Make as many memories as you can and enjoy every inning because when you leave sports behind you have to find your inner athlete in other things. Create a workout routine, joining a club sport or intramurals, or even becoming a coach. As much as I miss the sport, I am thankful for everything it brought me. It taught me how to be a good friend, respect others around me, and to push myself to discover what I was capable of.

So, enjoy it while it lasts.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Giannis Antetokounmpo And Christian Yelich Have Put Milwaukee Back On The Map

Two small market teams making sure the world knows who they are

172
views

"MVP" is currently being chanted around the city of Milwaukee and the people of Milwaukee aren't just talking about one person. Giannis Antetokounmpo, a forward for the Milwaukee Bucks and Christian Yelich, an outfielder for the Milwaukee Brewers. Giannis is on the path to winning this year's NBA MVP and Yelich, who happened to win the NL MVP last year, is showing no doubts on potentially becoming this year's MVP as well.

Both the Bucks and the Brewers have struggled in the past few years. The Bucks finished their 2013-2014 season with a record of 15-67. On top of that, they have been playing in the BMO Harris Bradley Center for the past couple of decades. The Bradley Center was intentionally built for hockey and not basketball so attending games for the Bucks sometimes had you in the nosebleeds barely seeing what was going on on the court. The Bucks struggled after their 2013-2014 season with records of 41-41 (2014-2015) and 33-49 (2015-2016). Now, the Bucks have recently finished their regular season and moved to the playoffs. From 15-67 just five years ago, to now 60-22 which gave them the best record in the NBA, the number one seed in the East and home-court advantage, Giannis has proved himself as potentially one of the greatest players the NBA and the Bucks franchise will ever see.

The Bucks now have a new arena that opened this season, Fiserv Forum, which is built specifically for the Bucks (and Marquette) instead of hockey. Looking back on the Bucks in their previous years compared to now, the Bucks have sold out every single game this season. Something Milwaukee never thought they would see from being a small market team. From my experience, while working for the Bucks, you can see the difference in the crowd and feel their enthusiasm and excitement radiating off of the fans. And this is all thanks to Mr. Antetokounmpo who is making his mark here in Milwaukee. Giannis has won Eastern Conference Player of the Month for October/November, December, February and March/April and even earned his spot as Eastern Conference captain for the All-Star game this year. Giannis may be considered in his prime right now, but he is only 24-years-old which means he has plenty of time to only make himself better.

The Brewers had won the NL Central Divison back in 2011 but lost to the St. Louis Cardinals in the National League Championship Series. After that, they struggled a bit and haven't won the title since until last year in 2018. He brought the Brewers to the NLCS last season, but unfortunately, they lost to the Los Angeles Dodgers. Yelich had 36 home runs last season and already has eight (as of 4/16/19) this season. He happens to be a great right fielder as well. In last night's (4/15/19) game against the Cardinals, Yelich alone scored three home runs.

Miller Park has been filling up more and more each game of Brewers fans. Being a small market team like their cross-city friends, the Bucks, bringing home an MVP title as well as a division title, it makes everyone aware of their greatness and dedication. The season may have just started back up again, but there is no doubt, if Yelich and his teammates keep playing like they are right now, they will have another shot of making it to the World Series.

Giannis Antetokounmpo and Christian Yelich have brought and will continue to bring excitement and greatness to Milwaukee which is something the city hasn't seen in a while. This era of sports will surely be remembered for a long time by the people of Milwaukee and Wisconsin.

Related Content

Facebook Comments