I grew up in a moderately religious Islamic household. We celebrated birthdays and cooked big meals during Thanksgiving. I went to a Muslim private school up until high school. I understood the oneness of God, how not to ask why, and the sacristy of religion. I saw how religion bonded my family and how sometimes, in moments it separated them but that never made me question much of anything. As I entered freshman year of college and groomed myself into adulthood, I felt an odd change. Prayer didn't make me feel whole anymore. It seemed to not resonate like it used to. The feeling nagged at me and frustration became my friend. I was transitioning from certitude into a stage of doubt which then turned into a journey of soul searching. In order to be inclined with my religion, I had to understand where I stood spiritually. I had to momentarily separate my spirituality from my religion.

"Eventually and inevitably something inside of us rebels when we lose touch with the truth that who we are is more than what we are or what we do"- Tom Stella (The God Instinct)

Do we rebel because we fear the truth? The part of my discovery is to dilute that fear by becoming comfortable with myself. Learning about the essence of my spirit has allowed me to have a stronger connection with my religion. I had to understand that some hard moments in life could not be solved solely through religion. I had to learn through certain obstacles from a spiritual standpoint. I came to a realization that my love for God did not disappear rather it was amplified through the becoming of self. I had to spiritually build trust with God away from the traditions of my religious beliefs. I needed to personally come to an understanding of why I believed what I believed. I needed to experiment with life and grasp what it meant to me. I learned to be honest with myself in moments when honesty was number one on my anxiety list. Some religious families promote guilt and shame in their households. Being free with your thoughts and your views of life outside of religious beliefs is not always encouraged. With that reality programmed in my subconscious, I had to eradicate all interests of what my family thought of my life choices. "My life is mine and I will make it work for me" was the mantra the guided me through my spiritual enlightenment. If I truly wanted to rekindle my relationship with my religion, I had to start by loving it in a different way. When you are younger, love means something different. To children, love is a never changing feeling. A child that loves a toy is secure in knowing that the toy will always be there to love. As for religion, I had to understand that the love I had for it as a child is different from the love I have now. When I was young, I did not know much as to why I loved the religion. The love came from seeing my family love it but I never understood the love first hand until I decided to spiritually incline myself with the religion itself, alhumdulilah (praise be to God)

Learning about yourself is an ongoing and constant evolution. Never feel bad for learning about you and speaking truth to yourself. The path to self-destruction is being dishonest with yourself. Do not be ashamed to speak yourself. Live for you and learn to understand what that truly means.