Looking back on the past eighteen months of my life there is a specific trend that makes me particularly proud. To sum it up in one word -- growth. These eighteen months, like most things in this world, were filled with ups, downs, and just about everything in between, but some of the moments I learned the most came from when I was left with just three things - me, myself, and I.
Now of course, I had friends and family that I communicated with on a daily basis. However, the majority of my time was spent alone. I had just broken up with my long- term boyfriend, my best friend had decided to take a different path that didn't include me, and I had just moved states to a brand new university. I vividly remember waking up one Saturday morning and realizing I had no plans and no one to make plans with, and as a social butterfly, that thought was absolutely terrifying.
I was experiencing my own growing pains, heartbreak, and wrestling with the struggles that freshman year brings. Out of these lonely moments though, came stripes of strength. I decided to dig a little deeper into what was affecting my heart. I recommend everyone do the same. It led me to learn more about myself than I ever could have if I spent all my time focusing on finding new relationships to mend the ones I had recently lost.
Being in a relationship is great, I won't even attempt to argue that point, but you truly can't love someone else until you love yourself. Whoever you add into your life as a significant other should function as an accessory, not a necessity. Meaning you should be able to fully function whether or not that person is present in your life.
It turns out I really enjoy reading, long car drives where I can sing at the top of my lungs, and hanging out with puppies at the humane society. Even more, I enjoy making decisions completely independent of anyone else's needs. If I want to turn my phone off for two hours and go fish at a pond - I have that option. If I want to stay out until 4 a.m. - I have that option. If I want to try a new Zumba class, meal, or jet set to a new state - I have that option without considering the schedule of someone else, what they want for dinner, or whether or not their schedule will let them pack up and leave.
Within each of those scenarios is an opportunity to learn about myself and who I am. After two Zumba classes, it turns out I have no rhythm. However, after a few nights of new recipes, it turns out I've got a pretty good eye for guesstimating the right amount seasoning. And of course, it turns out that sometimes taking a leap and booking a last minute flight that leaves you in the middle of a city alone, at 6 a.m. on a Thursday morning, is worth the risk for the amazing fun that comes with a whirlwind trip by yourself. I'll take the time to add the side note that traveling alone is so underrated. You are completely free to roam as much as you'd like and soak up the moments and views without worrying about anyone else's needs or desires.
It is perfectly reasonable that I could have learned all of these things had I not been alone, but the freedom and time to myself let me know myself much better. Sure, it's an "Eat. Pray. Love" concept, but there is truth in the context. I am by no means saying you should ditch every person you love and know and go on some grand hiatus. However, I am implying there is value in making time for yourself and your needs.
As life goes on, if you're anything like me, you tend to stretch yourself paper thin and put others needs first. However, I can reassure you, it is perfectly acceptable to be selfish. Take time to be completely selfish and spend the day with yourself, take the pressure off and discover what makes you unique. You'll notice the strength in loving you for you.
Much of this is easier said than done, I truly don't think I would have taken the time to be alone had I not been, in a sense, forced into it. However, each day we have something new to learn, in whatever capacity that entails. As long as you're keeping your best interest at heart, there is no wrong answer.
