Everyone goes through a period in life where they think everyone is against them. We live in a society that has major FOMO (fear of missing out), meaning that we constantly crave wanting to be around other people that look like they are having a good time. When something good happens and you forget to respond or are scared the person didn’t want you there, you start to get nervous.
When did we truly start overusing sorry? It could have been in high school when all of your friends forget to call you about the party happening. It could be in college when everyone is hanging out in the dorm room and they forget to knock on your door. It could be in the workplace when everyone goes for drinks after a busy day and forget to send you an invite. We all at one point feel like people, our friends, are leaving us behind.
I, personally, have felt like that too often. I grew up in a society where people constantly want the best thing possible. I wasn't always the best thing in other's eyes. Not the best girlfriend, friend, teammate, performer, or student. I just wasn't the best. I kept watching people walk into my life thinking I was awesome and leave the minute they thought something better was out there. I started to develop a sense of apologizing for myself any time people would converse with me. I was apologizing in hopes they would stay and not notice any of my flaws.
I say sorry too much. I say sorry when people don't text me back right away. I say sorry when I forget to hold the door open for someone behind me. I say sorry on first dates when I don't know if the guy is interested in another. I say sorry when I don't respond to emails fast. I say sorry when I sneeze. I say sorry when I smile for too long. I say sorry when I laugh with a snort. I say sorry when I cook for others and it isn't perfect. I say sorry to the point of no return.
I say sorry because I am used to people leaving. I say sorry because I know that if I apologize before it is "too late," they may stay. I have watched numerous people leave my life when I become troubling to them or a better friend comes by.
What I have realized is that no matter what, people are going to leave. People are going to tell me to stop saying sorry, and my immediate response is, "sorry." We have to stop making people feel as though they have to apologize for being the person that they are. I have a desire to make every single person feel happy, and I apologize in hopes that they will be happy. I am sick of saying sorry. I’m sorry for apologizing for myself. I’m sorry for allowing you to talk over me. I'm sorry for not standing up for myself. I’m sorry for letting people think they are better than me. I’m so sorry for saying sorry too much.
