Sorry. One word, and I don't know how or why, but it seems to be the most popular expression we females use. I never realized how often I said "sorry" until this month when two close friends of mine called me out on it. First, it was my feisty co-worker Kay, who said: "Erin, why are you apologizing to customers for things that are out of your control? Do you think you’d ever hear a male cashier apologize for things like this? No. Stop it!"
To make matters worse, I even apologized right then and there to Kay for apologizing! After Kay glared at me and walked away, I told myself I would work hard to break the habit. However, as the day went on, I soon forgot my promise and continued delivering my automatic apologies throughout the end of my shift.
Later that week, I shared with my friend Lane what Kay had brought to my attention:
“Lane, do you think women apologize too much?” Without hesitation she confirmed my suspicions, “ Yes, most certainly!”
I was shocked, but luckily she had some great wisdom and a perspective to share: "Erin, don’t you think the word loses meaning when you apologize too much?"
Man, did she nail it! Not only did I degrade myself by apologizing for things out of my control, I was also not being authentic with my words! I want my apologies to mean something.
After our talk, Lane challenged me to count how many times a day I said "sorry" and record my reasons for each apology. She believed this would help curb the habit.
It's been three days and let me tell you, it has been more difficult than I had imagined. I have said the word “sorry” too many times to even count.
I’ll find myself trying really hard not to for an hour then, some customer will come up looking slightly disgruntled and the urge over takes me!
So, after failing at breaking the habit on Attempt One, I went to bed determined to do better the next day.
But…I really didn’t do any better. Here are the ridiculous things I said sorry for the following day:
To a customer: "So sorry our computer system is being slow." Am I U-verse? No.
To a coworker: "Sorry I have to use the restroom, could you stay up front at the register?" Inside I'm thinking, "Am I NOT allowed to pee?"
A creepy customer asked for my number and I apologized when I refused to give it to him. I could have just said, "no thanks," or how about even just, "no!"
I listed my apologies at the end of Attempt Two and was appalled! Desperately, I wanted to break the habit but it was as if I was missing the language to replace the word “sorry.”
So, on Attempt Three I have begun experimenting with some new options:
Someone bumped into me and instead of sorry I said, “oops!” and we both laughed.
A woman came up to my register very upset that we were all out of the product she wanted and had been for some time. I said,“I understand your frustration. Let me call over my manager who can assist you.”
A co-worker asked if I could switch shifts with them on a weekend day and normally I always feel guilty not helping people out, but this time I said,
“Unfortunately, I cannot cover for you this weekend - I have plans.”
And I dodged the sorry bullet again!
Although I will confess, I did apologize a couple times later that day. Still, I felt proud of myself for the “sorrys” I didn’t say. Let me end by not apologizing.
