Have you ever lost someone close to you? That feeling when you hear the news is almost indescribable. Your legs get weak. You cry. You may even tremble. Somehow, you have to figure out a way to go on. However, there are daily reminders of the person that passed away.
Several years ago, when I was driving with my driver's education instructor, he told me about how his dad was having heart trouble and that he was having a pacemaker put in. My immediate reaction was to say that I would pray for his dad. His response was, "See, that is what I hate about Christians. They spend their whole life wanting people to go to heaven, but once the time gets close, they just pray for them to stay down here longer." I have been thinking about this situation a lot, recently. I admit, I am selfish when it comes to losing someone. I think that this shows a deep love towards the person that is dying. However, I do realize that there comes a point where we have to let go, no matter how much it hurts us.
Recently, a dear, old friend of mine passed away. I did a lot of praying for her when I found out she fell and pneumonia had set in, but it was just too much for her to handle. My prayers slowly transitioned to prayer for the comfort of her and her family. As I sat beside her at her hospice bed, holding her hand, I realized that life will never be the same without her. Our afternoon visits where she always insisted on feeding me will never come again. Her persistent questions on whether I had a boyfriend yet will never be heard again. (She once asked me, "You're not going to be an old maid are you?"). Our mutual stories about dairy farming won't be shared with each other anymore. Her general curiosity about my life will be gone. I could look back on these times with sadness, but instead, I will look back on them and be glad for the times we did share.
Last Friday, as I walked away from her for the last time (on this earth), I gave her a hug and told her that I loved her; she said the same, and we both wept. Two days later, I got word that she passed away. I cried...a lot. Although I continue to grieve everyday, I can find joy in knowing that she will no longer be suffering and that she is reunited with her husband and with God in heaven. She assured everyone that she was ready to go.
Her 90 years on this earth were well-spent. She was the most genuine and most kind person I ever met, traits that are difficult to come by it seems. I hope everyone gets to meet someone like Clarabelle at some point in their life. She was truly one of a kind and will never be forgotten.
"In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore."
