Regardless of who you are, we all grow up with our own challenges. Whether its struggling to fit in socially, struggling to get grades, or even struggling to survive, I think its safe to say that very few people grow to adulthood without experiencing any growing pains. While many people have phases/parts of their life that they would consider their childhood struggles, I admit that my growing pain as a child was very much not a phase and is still apart of my life. If you haven’t guessed it by the title, then the next sentence will make it absolutely clear. What I attribute to my greatest childhood struggle in my transition to adulthood was the fact that I grew up with Autism. While there were other health issues that I had as a child such as asthma, allergies, and poor vision, I attribute my struggle with Autism as being the main obstacle on my path to adulthood.While I will admit that my childhood was not nearly as rough as thousands of people given that I grew up in a good neighborhood with supportive parents, my struggle with autism is a struggle that is very unique to my situation. While I’ve seen other people who are on the spectrum and many of them are facing far greater challenges than me, I’ve found that I have a unique perspective on life and interacting with others that is different than most other people I have met. Therefore, without further explanation, here is what it was like for me to grow up on the autistic spectrum and how it’s made me the adult I am today.
As a child, I was diagnosed with mild form of autism that is very similar to Asperser’s, but is not Asperser. As a kid, I was technically diagnosed with PDD or Partial Development Deployment based on social ability. In other words, I was diagnosed with autism due to my underdeveloped social skills and my struggle to interact with other people. I also had complications with fine motor skills that involve small objects as child, which include skills such as writing and sowing, that were considered to be apart of autism.I remember that I had to take extra handwriting classes as a kid in order to help my writing develop as fast the other kids .During elementary school, I also had to take special ed classes along with my regular classes. I got to interact and take classes with other kids who were also on the spectrum or had other learning difficulties. This did however; make me different than most kids in my school given that I had to go to two separate classrooms during the day instead of one. I did struggle a lot socially at this point in my life mostly because my social skills were very underdeveloped at this point. I noticed that compared to most children, I really struggled to make eye contact and read social cues. I often times didn't make eye contact with people because I was a very shy kid, and I also struggled to read social cues as I often times could not read nonverbal communication very well. Because of this, I often was subjected to teasing and at times bullying due to the fact that I just did not understand things the way other kids did when it came to socializing. These types of social communication are things that I still struggle with at times even up to this day. I also was very sensitive to insults and negatives comments in general, and I found myself getting upset at kids who tried to get along with me. This is also something I still have issues with sometimes, as it gets difficult for me to understand different types of humor at times. II found out later that people with autism generally struggle with the concept of give or take nature of conversation, and that my autism made it more challenging for me to have conversations with others. Thankfully, I have very much grown out most of my old social conversations and difficulties, and most people I meet hardly seem to notice any social challenges or problems that I have from my autism.
During the time I was also in elementary school,I also noticed that I tend to develop really intense interests on various subjects like history because of my autism. When I was in first grade, I did a research project/presentation on all of the presidents of the United States, and I even made a poster showcasing facts on each and every president from George Washington to George W. Bush(Obama was still in Congress at the time!). Over time, I developed passions for world history, military history, sports, politics, music and several other interests that seem to catch my eye. While this did contribute to the fact that I was a three sport athlete and band student in high school and continue to be an athlete and musician in college, it also made it hard to relate to other people who didn't have the same interest that I have. One of the biggest difficulties I have is when I get overexcited about certain interest only to have everyone stare at me like I lost my mind. Through these experiences, I realized that having naturally intense interests can be as much as a blessing as a curse, and that I had to sometimes hold back my intensity in order for others to feel more comfortable around me. While I admit that my intensity gets the best of me sometimes, it has become something that I accept of myself, and something I try to use to the best of my ability.
Through all the adversity I face because of my autism, I found that the most important thing that created some of my deepest concerns had to do with my sense of belonging. Like any regular person who is either on or off the autistic spectrum, one of the biggest things that scared me was the fear of people looking at me as having a mental condition(insert negative connotation here). I hated when people made fun of me for my difficulties as a kid because I didn't want to be thought of as the "special" kid or "weird" kid. While society is becoming much more acceptive of autism and even have developed an autism awareness month, I still have to deal with the fact that I have to work harder than others to figure out certain social situations. I found in the end however, that part of the adventure that is my life is having to adopt to these situations. Instead of trying to "hide" my challenges, I found that accepting these challenges helps me become more comfortable in my own skin. I hope that all autistic kids, regardless of where they are, realize that being autistic is just apart of a great adventure that is life, and learn to appreciate their differences like I've learned over many years.
