My best friend got her heart broken. A couple weeks ago, I came home to find her crumbled into the couch, eyes wet and staring at her cellphone on the table. After a long period of talking and comforting and listening, she looked up at me and asked, “Should I delete him?”
This simple question surprisingly shocked me. “Delete him?” I replied, “Of course you should, you don’t need to see what he’s doing!” But she didn’t, she couldn’t, and that was when I realized social media can be toxic.
It can be especially toxic after a breakup because it is so readily available. Just a search away and she could see the person that just broke her heart smiling at the camera with a drink in his hand.
Soon, this occasional check can develop into a need to know. A need to know what he is doing, where he is, who he is with, and if he’s happy without her.
Even though she could feel temporary comfort by seeing what he’s doing, that comfort develops into something emptier, colder, and lonelier. No longer is she in the pictures with him; instead, she is watching him make memories without her, watching the person she thought she knew continue on as if she never were there.
This ignited an anger and jealousy in her. “I’m deleting all our pictures together,” she said defiantly, and soon her Facebook and Instagram was wiped clean of any indication that he even existed. But she chose to keep him on her social media, she wanted him to see that she was doing OK and his presence still lingered. It lingered every time he crossed her mind when she posted a picture. I hope he sees this and realizes what he’s missing. Every time she passive aggressively directed a caption towards him. Do you think he’ll know I’m talking about him? Every time she clicked search and typed in his first name, he was still there.
As time went on, my friend’s ex’s name was mentioned less and less, and I watched her regain her confidence and strength. One day, randomly, she looked at me said, “I deleted him, by the way.” I asked what finally allowed her to do it and she told me she finally let go.
She let go of the only thing that connected the two of them, the only thing that allowed her to keep him in her life. Since she could no longer see him in person, glimpses of his smile and voice on her phone was the only thing keeping him around. The minute she loses the ability to search his name is exactly the minute it’s truly over and he’s gone.
But the weight that rose off her shoulders the minute she did it made it worth it. Accepting that it was over was the only way she could move forward, without anything holding her back.
In conclusion, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat are all ways to reach family and friends, to show the world glimpses of your life and to stay connected. Social media should make you feel like yourself, give you the opportunity to express yourself the way you want others to see you.
Using social media to check up on ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-friends, and so on is unproductive, destructive, and upsetting. Posting pictures, tweets, and videos on social media with the purpose for one person to see it is unproductive, destructive, and upsetting.
Focus on yourself and what will make you feel healthy, happy, and confident. If it takes some time to get there, then be proud of your progress. When you finally lose the need to know, lose the desire to search, and are content with your life without him/her, then you’ll be truly free.
