Social Media Does Not Equal Validation

Social Media Does Not Equal Validation

It won't ever provide enough
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I have talked time and time again about how much I have a love-hate relationship with social media. We all know it has changed the course of society and potentially not for the better. There are so many things wrong with our mentality surrounding it and how we treat others because of it. I am not claiming to be perfect or to have perfect execution of my social media. However, I am aware of one thing: validation. I bring this up because I was troubled about my use of social media. I have become MORE reserved than I have been in the past and less of a complainer about things and releaser all of my emotions. I was trying to think of the “Why”. Why am I on social media? Why did I post that? What was my intention? How do I respond to it afterward?

When I was 17, Instagram became a thing. I made an account and was really excited! I love sharing photos. There was a time, however, when I would get so discouraged when I posted a photo and not all 100 of my followers liked it. Nowadays I get more likes, but I also post more fulfilling and important content. Back in the day, I used to post a picture of a plate of cookies or my hair in braids. IT WASN’T IMPORTANT. At least what I try to post now is uplifting, meaningful content. Still, none of it matters. Likes don’t matter. And even though I get more likes now than I did before, they still don’t matter. I am also not filled with that same disappointment about how many people didn’t like my photo. Why did I strive for so much approval based on a double tap? There are many reasons why people don’t like someone’s post and it normally isn’t because they don’t like you. Either way, we shouldn’t be striving for validation from others. It is ALWAYS disappointing.

What sparked my inspiration for this article was the fact that I recently rebooted my Twitter. Twitter is the biggest time suck in the world. It used to be my fount (and still is for many) for instant gratification. I rebooted my Twitter to literally ask a former Bachelor contestant to be my plus one to my sister’s wedding. I know…ridiculous, but Blake K. was quite handsome and a classy gentleman. Anywho, I was having an internal struggle if all my recent social media posting was the product of wanting likes or favorites. The truth is I have always struggled with validation when it comes to social media. Maybe I don’t get disappointed when likes don’t reach a certain number anymore, but I used to post things because I wanted specific people to see it and like it. Now don’t get me wrong, I have never posted anything that isn’t true to my character or something that does not represent who I am. I just sometimes would post things so that specific people could like it. If they didn’t, I would get upset. I have recently changed my ways, but upon reflecting on this topic, I realized I don’t do these things in real life. It made me realize that a flaw and issue I struggled with was completely created by social media. If I am not posting anything on social media, I am participating in my daily life not trying to please anyone or make anyone see what I do. If I am posting on social media, I still don’t try to create a me that begs for validation. I thought this was completely strange.

However, it made complete sense. Social media has done weird things to our society! And I have found that this is one of many issues social media creates. Now, maybe you struggle with validation not just on social media. However, that is an issue that only haunts me on social media. Now, as I share more meaningful content and less often, I have come to find a better response. The only “disappointment” I am left with has to do with the work and thought I put into something. It is sometimes disappointing if I share something (for example, this article) insightful and not many people like it. However, I do move on, don’t let it get me down, and celebrate the fact that I was brave to share whatever part of my heart I poured out. It has nothing to do with a number.

I guess what I am trying to say is look at where you seek validation. Since my social media reflection, I have been focusing on getting validation from the only one I need it from: God. As a priest told me in Confession a few weeks ago, never measure yourself up to any measuring stick of the world because you will only be disappointed. That is the truth. We all know it! So look where you seek validation, what your intentions are, the “why” behind your actions, posts, etc., and how you respond afterward. Realize that you are amazing the way you are. You don’t need to measure up to anyone’s validation system because you are perfect the way you are. Seek validation in God alone because He knows how amazing you are! He is the only validation you need! And don’t forget it!

Cover Image Credit: SummitPost

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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If You Don't Prioritize Yourself, 2019 Won't Be Your Year

You should always put yourself first and don't let anyone tell you different.

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Every year starts out the same. Everyone adopts the "new year, new me" mantra, applying it to their everyday life, whether in a large aspect or a small one. Some people might stick to their goals, while others fall short and revert back to old habits (which is the category I tend to find myself under). Whether you stick to your goals or don't, something you need to ensure you always do no matter what is to put yourself first, or 2019 will be a disappointment.

You are your own worst enemy, so by putting others before you, you're only injuring yourself. Yes, I know it feels good when you do something great for someone else, but it doesn't feel so great when you're not being reciprocated for anything you have done. We don't do things expecting rewards, but if you're constantly loaning friends money when they don't have enough, whose bank account is really suffering? Evidentally not theirs if they're never spotting you or paying you back, yet can afford to constantly buy things. Prioritize yourself when you feel you're being taken advantage of and speak up, whether it's a situation like this one or something entirely different.

If you never put yourself first how do you expect to ever be truly happy? You are the one who controls your fate, if you want to subject yourself to ensuring the happiness of others before yourself, then that is your downfall. You need to make sure you are happy before you decide to help others find their happiness. You also cannot meet anyone to date that is worth your while until you're truly happy in your own skin.

Self-love is super important and it's really been stressed in recent years. Falling in love with yourself is the key to a happier, healthier life. I have never put myself first up until recently and was sabotaging my own happiness at the expense of others, who I thought would make me happy when they did the opposite. I tend to be too harsh on myself and how I look and act, but that is coming to an end this year. Before I do anything, I will stop and think about its effect on me before anyone else. If it doesn't benefit me whatsoever, I'm out. Unless of course, it's charity work or something along those lines.

Once you prioritize yourself, you'll notice your life begin to change for the positive. Cut out negative people who make you feel belittled and do not let them hurt you any longer. Update your wardrobe and spoil yourself. Buy those cute sneakers you've been eyeing or that new palette you've had in your shopping cart on Ulta. Whatever it is, don't forget to spoil yourself every now and then. Go see sunsets, go out for breakfast, meditate, or journal, but please please do what makes you happy no matter what it is.

2019 can very well be your year once you prioritize yourself. Even if you don't go to the gym every day like you want to, or can't give up going to Dunkin every day, as long as you put yourself first, everything will be the best it can possibly be.

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