I have found out that brainstorming for an article, especially my first article, is much more complicated than I would imagine. But as my sister, Bekah, and I sat at the local coffee house, she helped me without even realizing it. As we were chatting about plans for the day, she asked me if I wanted to go to an old friend's graduation party; of course I did not. Why would I want to go celebrate that graduation of someone that hurt me emotionally and is no longer in my life? But I started to think more and more about my obsession over past relationships even though I'm aware of the pain it still causes me. What I realized is that I have poisoned myself by keeping these bad memories in my life and not forgiving those who have wronged me.
Coming from a religious family, I turn to the Bible and to God when I need guidance and I found verses about hatred. 1 John 2:9-11 states, "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them." So as of today, I have decided that I need to start a new chapter in my life that is solely based on forgiveness.
First things first, reliving awful memories really blows and can ruin your whole day, but as I was thinking about negative parts of my life, I could hear my family laughing next to me and I knew that they also have bad memories and parts of their past that they would like to bury as well. Everyone in this world has an awful hate for someone else who hates someone else, and it's a cycle that keeps going and going, unbreakable. I decided that I wanted to break my cycle.
There were so many people in my life that were once important, but vanished as quickly as the weather changed. I realized that the ones that left when the wind would blow, were insignificant to my life and what God has in store for me. There were people that had personalities that conflicted with mine, and we would argue with no reason at all. Those people just fueled the fire for more pain and more hate. And there were people that hurt my emotionally, verbally, physically and sexually. As anyone can imagine, those people left scars that I can't forget, but amazingly I can forgive. While reflecting on the thought of forgiving all those who have wronged me, I remembered Mark 11:25, which says, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in Heaven may forgive you your sins." This not only backed up the thought of forgiving, but it pushed me to love my brothers and sisters as well.
Forgiveness is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but so far I have reaped in the benefits of loving everyone around me. A close friend of mine asked me how I can forgive the man that abused me or the woman that spread hateful rumors about me in high school; my response was, "How can God send his son to die, to forgive us for everything we have done and have yet to do?" I have been wanting to do this for a long time, and now that I've started, I can't stop. I feel so amazing and I encourage everyone to try to forgive, try to hate less and try to love everyone more.
Goodbye, goodbye, be always kind and true.
