As my 22nd birthday is just around the corner, I've been reflecting on my life choices a lot. Sometimes I feel like I'm having my quarter life crisis early, but most likely it's because I graduate this semester and my life is about to change. One thing I've focused on a lot lately is my love life or well the lack of a love life. I have never been in a relationship and I'm beginning to realize that's ok.

I'm the type of person who puts my all into anything I do, and this would include relationships. It was while thinking about this that I realized maybe it's better I haven't been in a relationship yet. I'm at a stage in my life where I don't know what I want, and to be honest I've felt like this since high school. I am torn between wanting a relationship and living my life the way it is, as a single woman. Oh and I'm also scared of commitment because I have been single for so long.

When I notice someone taking an interest in me I begin to panic, especially when they even hint at the idea of a relationship. I start to overthink everything and usually end everything before it can even begin. I help myself feel better about this by saying I still have feelings for that "one guy" who made it clear he would never be interested in me. In reality, my feelings for him may still be there, but I realize I use him more as an excuse to avoid feeling anything for someone else. I mean if I did convince myself to commit to someone it would be a complete change to my life, I've been single my entire life and I don't know how to really be in a relationship.

As a senior in college things are already changing. I will soon be on my own in the adult world, praying I can find a job to help pay off my student loans. There's a lot of change coming into my life, and I don't know if I want to add the stress of a relationship too. But there's is a small part of me that really wants a relationship at this point in my life, but only with someone who is also graduation or already graduated. That way we can do the adult thing together, which makes it a bit less scary.

Overall I can admit to myself I haven't been ready for a relationship so far in my life, and maybe I'm still not. I love the idea of a relationship, especially when seeing the happy couples around me. But I also know I have a lot going on in my life and I don't know if I can handle the pressure that can come from letting someone else into my life. I mean I still have so many things to work on when it comes to myself, so how can I be comfortable with someone else if I am not comfortable with myself?