To the girls that are engaged but are unsure of their future, to the girls that are unhappy because they don't want to stay but feel like they have too, and to the girls that are craving a love that they are just not receiving, this one's for you.
We all dream about how it'll happen, whether it pops up across the Megatron at a Yankee's game, or whether it's in the middle of Time Square on Christmas Eve.
From a young age, we all know how we want it to be done. In 2015, I got engaged to my boyfriend of one year. I was 20-years-old, and my 21-year-old boyfriend pulled out a diamond ring from his back pocket on a Friday night and got down on one knee (nothing cute, not in the way that I had dreamed of, but the feelings were genuine at the time), but it was also something that I was not expecting in the slightest. I was a sophomore in college, still trying to figure out what career path I was going to go down, and being fresh out of a toxic three-year relationship before him, I was just starting to learn how to love myself again.
However, I said yes and a few weeks later we started planning what would be the best wedding of 2018.
Life seemed perfect but we all know how fast things can change.
Fast forward to two years later, no wedding plans besides a crumpled up list of guest names in the bottom of my pocketbook, and no longer knowing what genuine happiness felt like. Whenever anyone asked when the big day was, I would shrug my shoulders and quickly change the topic.
Soon after becoming engaged, I started having this feeling that there was someone else out there for me. I didn't know where I would meet him, who he was, or whether my mind and my heart were playing tricks on me, but I longed for this person. At night, I would lay awake dreaming about finding him, someone that was into the same things as me, who I wouldn't have to fight for his love and attention, and who would appreciate everything I did for him.
As you're reading this, many of you are probably thinking "Why would she stay with her fiancé then?" The way that I was feeling was no secret to him, and often we questioned what we should do, whether we should try working it out or just call it quits.
Even though I was no longer happy, I still continuously got the "you guys are my favorite couple!" "you guys are so perfect for each other!" "always so happy!" all the time. Simply because in our social media obsessed generation, there's a ton of presure to pretend that everything is fine, that we are living the best life, and that we are nothing less than happy. We portray this to the outside world, even when behind closed doors we are fighting to breathe.
For some reason, perhaps due to growing up reading fairy tale books, we also have this irrational idea that the first man that treats us with a little respect is our prince charming. If I have learned anything in life, it is that this is the farthest thing from the truth. Sometimes people we meet are good for us for the time being, but not for forever. This person was only good for me for the time being.
So here I am writing this, six months after leaving my ex-fiancé. As many of us know, regrets are a very common thing after a long relationship ends. However, I can genuinely say I don't regret one day spent with him because he led me directly into the arms of the love of my life.
I no longer experience the longing feeling for another person, the moment that my boyfriend and I met eyes I knew that he was the person that I had always longed for. He treats me like a queen, appreciates everything I do for him, whether it be buying him a 14k gold chain or rubbing his back after a long day, he loves me for me, protects me, puts me first, and is everything I could ever ask for in a man.
It scares me to think that I would have never met him if I didn't have the courage to leave my toxic relationship, and I am so thankful and proud that I made the right decision.
However, I feel as though I am making it sound like it was the easiest thing that I have ever done—I lost feelings, packed my bags and got up and left. It wasn't like that at all. It was late nights crying, asking God why He put into a situation like this at such a young age, where I am debating staying with a man and having a miserable next 60+ years, or leaving him and being looked at like the girl who was once engaged at 20-years-old and dumped her fiancé. Then, one day, I woke up and realized that I was not going to be lonely and miserable at 45 because it was clear we didn't want the same things in life.
When I put my happiness first and realized that there were tons of people out in the world that would kill to make me smile and that would appreciate me for who I am, that's when it was easy to get up and leave.
So girls, throw out the fairy tale books, and the cute happy ending love stories you have stashed in your heads. Not all engagements end in a beautiful wedding on the beach of a tropical island, madly in love. Some end at the pawn shop, some end in tears, and some end in smiles and hopes for the future. Throughout all of this, the most important lesson that I have learned is that things do end. It's okay to break the news to your loved ones that you're no longer engaged, and it's okay to find someone new who makes you happy and smile like you deserve too, whether it be two months after the engagement ends or 2 years.
Life is so beautiful, and I have so much new found hope and excitement for the future.
If you’re longing for your happy ending, I suggest you start looking for a new beginning.
Sincerely, a girl who was once engaged
xoxo
