I know we don't talk anymore and I don't want to, but here are the things I could never say (but think)...
1. Thank you for all the pain you put me through...
2. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to recreate myself
When you left, I felt alone and lost. I didn't know who I was or where my life had gone. I didn't know that one person could go through so much pain. In the pain I went through, I figured out who I was and who I wanted to be. You gave me the opportunity to find self-love and be someone that made me feel confident again.
3. Thank you for showing me the difference between a Boy and a Man
A boy is someone who likes to act like he is always right and always thinks he knows best. He always wants to be large and in charge when really, he still needs his mommy to hold his hand, doesn't know what he wants in life and doesn't know how to be friendly. Don't get me wrong, not all boys do this but what other example did I have? A man is someone who respects who you are as a woman and never lays a harmful hand on you (emotionally or physically). He admits defeat when he is wrong and if he does something nice, he goes the extra mile. He doesn't just do 100% he does 200%.
4. I wish I let go of the toxic relationship sooner rather than when I did
I knew you weren't the best for me and I continued to fight for us and the relationship was bad from the start. the relationship was one-sided, I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I thought all this time I was the one doing something wrong. I wasn't, I worshiped the ground you walked on and did almost everything you asked me to do. I laid in bed and cried my eyes out every night because I thought I was the mistake and just messed everything up, time after time.
5. You told me lie after lie
You told me day after day that you would never hut me and that you would always love me. I found out that I wasn't the only one you told that to. why? was I really that bad? you would disappear for days at a time and then come to me and tell me you loved me. What was scary was that you didn't think you were lying. You should write a book. You have come up with more lies than I could ever think of.
6. I knew you hurt me, yet I still loved you
You went out of your way to do things to me that I would never wish on my worst enemy and yet, I still loved you. I looked at you like you were the sun that lit up my world. I poured my heart and soul into a one-sided relationship. I was a girl looking for acceptance from you because I didn't think that I had it in anyone else. The truth is, I had it acceptance everyone but you.
7. I feel bad for the next girl you date
People will never fully understand a situation until they go through it themselves. So she probably will be so blindsided by the fact that you tell her that you love her. If she has any problems, tell her to call me. she's got my number. I wish I had someone to be there for me and I didn't. I am going to be that for the next person that falls into the trap of you whispering "I love you" in her ear and saying it out loud to the other girl you've got in your phone under a fake name.