I am a fearful person. When I get a shot at the doctor’s office I close my eyes so I don't have to see the needle. I won't eat expired foods, and I turn away during commercials for horror movies. So when my mom suggested I hop on a plane by myself and travel across the world I was more than a little skeptical. I thought: why should I, a 17-year-old girl, leave my home to live with strangers. I wasn't ready to leave the world that was carefully constructed "just for me.”
Eventually I overcame my intense anxiety and planned my adventure into the unknown. I found a trip that seemed like it would be a good fit for me and applied. I endured being poked with needles, a three-hour wait at the passport office and an even longer wait at the visa office. I was going to Asia! The gravity of my decision hit me as I waved goodbye to my family in the airport. What was I doing, I thought. I have never lived by myself before. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'm good at. Where do I go from here?
Over the course of my trip I learned how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I learned to keep my eyes open and always challenge myself to try new things. These were the lessons I had never learned in high school: how to talk to strangers, how to stay out late, how to test my boundaries.
The other students on my trip taught me how to listen. They told me I should love myself unconditionally and be myself unapologetically. They showed me what it meant to be a strong person in a world where it seems so hard to be strong. They cared for me when I was sick and laughed at my horrible jokes. We spent many late nights together trying to figure out what we wanted from ourselves and from the world.
It was so hard for me to come home. I wasn't sure how this new perspective would fit in with my life. I didn't know how I would apply what I'd learned about myself to the relationships I'd already formed. I felt restless. I wanted Asia. I wanted to move and be moved. I wanted to go back to the place where criss-cross tan lines and island sunrises were the norms. I wanted to go back into the unknown and grasp what I had learned one more time.
If you're anything like me you might suffer anxiety too. You might surround yourself with familiar things in an attempt to find the calm in your daily life. Maybe you want to travel, to venture out into the unknown and see what you will find. Maybe it's a distant dream, an item to cross off on your bucket list when you're older and a little wiser. Maybe you're ready, but you can't seem to find the time. But you should! You should find the time to travel. You should find the courage too! And when you are ready you should journey to the map's edge. Never, never look back.
