A lot of people are getting ready to head out for college within the next week or so and no doubt many of you are asking yourselves the same question that almost everyone does at this age: Should I date while in college?
Yes. If you are able to, yes. While of course there are some exceptions, most people enter college both single and without knowing many people on campus. This means that this is the perfect time to embrace life, including dating life! It's important to take time to have fun and remind yourself you own more clothes than the coffee-stained sweatpants you wear faithfully to your 8 am, but there's more to it than that. I should clarify myself and note that I do not mean sleeping around, nor do I mean dating to the point of neglecting one's studies. However, going to dinner and talking with a variety of new and interesting people is a good option for many young undergrads and here is why.
Dating other people helps you discover who you really are.
One of the biggest challenges of being a young adult is trying to make a name for your true self. While parents, school, and sports teams are all great for shaping us while we are young, the truth is, most people don't really know who they are at this age when they're on their own. Being a young adult means that you may not be taken seriously by everyone, but how can they take you serious if you don't even know who you are and how to present yourself as such? Do you really love baseball or was it just something to do with your friends that you found yourself good at? Do you really believe that there is no God out there, or is that something that your parents told you was rubbish and so you accepted it as truth?
When it comes down to it, most people at this age have really never been on their own and therefore do not know what they're like on their own. Your tastes and passions are being discovered and will help develop you into the member of society that you will be. You're discovering what you believe, how you view the world, what's important to you, and your personal likes and dislikes. Going to coffee and talking about modern politics may prove to be something that brings you surprise joy! From one cup of coffee and a two-hour conversation, you might have discovered your new major and opened your eyes to new possibilities in your future you never thought of before! However, you may have thought that you would enjoy it and discover that you would much rather critically review latest superhero movie release and whether it was worth the hype! It's important to learn about yourself so that you can present yourself clearly and confidently to those around you, including future employers.
It is inevitable (if your date isn't a complete conversation hog) that you will talk about your past and upbringing while on a date. While talking about yourself and your life so far, you may have your eyes opened to exactly why you are the way you are so far. You know what's been important to you so far, but you may not have known why. Talking about ourselves helps us see who we are and why we are that way.
Dating people helps you discover ways of life different than your own.
I have some really great worst-date-ever stories. I promise I can top 75% of the general population in a contest of worst date experiences. No matter how bad these dates were, I still don't regret going. I learned a lot from them and I am all the more wise because of it. I now know from first-hand experience that there are people completely ignorant to the modern-day issues that women and minorities face (including, but not limited to, men just like them). I've learned that not everyone is kind or shares my sense of humor. This taught me that when I do settle down and get married, these things are important qualities to me that I will want to share with that person. I also learned that there are people who have completely different pasts than me and therefore have a completely different way of thinking than I do. I am both a psychology and Bible major and can honestly say that my dating life has taught me almost as much as my undergrad classes on how to talk and think differently when talking to different people. Not only can I think differently now if the situation calls for it, but I know more about subjects that rarely cross my mind, I once had dinner with a pre-med who taught me about the newest advances in technology in the fight against technology. I'll admit that most of what he was saying went over my head, but I walked away with more knowledge than I entered into the conversation with!
College is about learning and growing. I firmly believe that dating can prove to be very instrumental in discovering new ways of life and different approaches to the things you may or may not already familiar with. I feel very strongly about listening to the people who come in and out of your life and helping each other grow, but I should give another disclaimer. One of my favorite professors was once giving a talk about life and dating and warned the other students and me to have an open mind, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Dating is a good way to find your future spouse.
I'll admit that this sounds a bit obvious and therefore may have been silly to point out to some people, but another thing you'll learn in college is that there's no such thing as common sense. I have a lot of guy friends in my life that complain about not getting any dates, but then don't ever ask any girls out on dates! Just thinking out loud here, but it seems to me that you won't get any dates if you don't ever ask anyone out on one. Making yourself vulnerable to rejection is a scary thing, but even if they say no to your offer, you took the leap and know you'll survive even in the worst case scenario. Asking people out takes courage and will make you more confident in time. If that person does say yes, then you now have the chance to have an evening out and having fun, getting to know someone that you wouldn't have had the opportunity to if you were just sitting in your dorm room playing video games all night. Even if the date goes horrible, you at least now have a funny story to tell!
I'm not sure if I believe in love at first sight or not, but I definitely believe in love. I encourage everyone to go out on unexpected dates because you never know who people are unless you get to know them. Who knows if that painfully shy girl from your social club enjoys camping just as much as you do. Who knows if that obnoxiously loud boy from the lacrosse team actually wants to use his voice to fight to get representation in congress for the citizens who live in the District of Columbia just like you do. On the other hand, the person that you believe is an angel sent from God to walk among the peasants on campus may end up holding the complete opposite view on something very important to you. You might find that that person might not be pleasant company, or even worse, a bad influence on you in the long-run. The only way you'll ever know is to get to know them one on one.
You may not, and you certainly don't HAVE to, find your spouse in college, but it's not the worst place in the world to be looking around. Dating can only help you on that search if marriage is something that you want in your future so why not start in college when you're surrounded by people your age that are in a similar place to you in life?
College is a ton of fun, but it's also a ton of work. It is similar to all things you do in life in that it requires balance. Don't neglect your need to have fun, but be smart about your time and who you spend it with. Dating will not only help you discern who the people are you want in your life, but what your life is really all about. When you date, remember to embrace all you can from what you learn about yourself, other ways of doing things, and other ways of thinking. Let these experiences help you grow into who you want to become as a confident and competent young adult!
